Joanna Angel

This week, Weenie Wednesday features an angel.  Ok, so it’s not an “angel,” it’s Joanna Angel.  Ok, so it’s not Joanna Angel, it’s a part of her.  Ok, so its not exactly a part of her… Ah, nevermind.  Let’s get to the point.  Most weenies will never have a chance to experience Joanna Angel.

However, Burning Angel by Topco has made weenies everywhere able to simulate the Joanna Angel experience with the Joanna Angel Vibrating Cyberskin Doggy Style Pussy and Ass.  Say that fast three times.  You may not be able to say it, but you’ll be doing it three times (and more) real fast.  Forward (or rear, as the case may be) thinking weenies report that this one is a pleasure.

And the rear thinking weenies know what they’re talking about!

It feels as good as it looks

The Joanna Angel Vibrating Cyberskin Doggy Style Pussy and Ass:

“Joanna Angel’s Vibrating CyberSkin Pussy and Ass with Virtual Touch technology is hand-painted for realistic detail with separate, ribbed love tunnels and a powerful five-speed love bullet.

Comes complete with Joanna’s actual tattoos for even more realistic pleasure. Takes three AA batteries, sold separately.”

Get one today!

The Monkey Spanker

Scientific American’s Jesse Bering has a great post on why humans are so good at masturbating (Hat Tip to the Reverend Monkeyspank), and why, contrary to what you may believe, masturbation is a healthy part of the reproductive cycle.  Wait!  Masturbation helps men to be more effective in reproduction?

You betcha! Here’s Bering’s documentation:

“When it comes to sex, we put this capacity to very good—or at least, very frequent—use. In a now-classic, pre-Internet-porn (I’ll get to that later on) study  by British evolutionary biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis, male university students were found to masturbate to ejaculation about every 72 hours, and “on the majority of occasions, their last masturbation is within 48 hours of their next in-pair copulation.” If they’re not having intercourse every day, that is to say, men tend to pleasure themselves to completion no more than two days prior to having actual sex.

Baker and Bellis’s quite logical argument for this seemingly counterintuitive state of affairs (after all, shouldn’t men try to stock up as much sperm as possible in their testes rather than spill their seeds so wastefully in a rather infertile swath of toilet paper or a dirty sock?) is that because there is a “shelf-life” for sperm cells – they remain viable for only 5-7 days after production – and because adult human males manufacture a whopping 3 million sperm per day, masturbation is an evolved strategy for shedding old sperm while making room for new, fitter sperm. It’s quality over quantity.”

I won’t recite the entire article here – you really should read it – but I will say that Bering’s research is thorough and entertaining.  Monkeys don’t spank it very often, you know. It turns out that humans have an edge (no pun intended) when it comes to masturbating.  What is it?  Imagine all the possibilities.

So those women who are looking for a new addition to the family, maybe it’s time to let your partner do his thing.  We can provide him a huge supply of sex toys for men to help him along his way.

Come to Tera

So let’s start with the idea that you are the lucky owner of Tera’s Futurotic Plus Pussy and Ass.  If you love Tera and don’t have this, you really should get it.  Here’s Why: IT IS HOT!  Check it out:

“My Pussy and Ass is Perfectly Sculpted to Reveal Every Contour!

This is an exact replica of Tera’s famous bodily attributes. Meticulously sculpted to reveal every luscious texture and soft delicate fold of Tera’s voluptuous ass and hand-painted sensuous pussy. Made of superior quality, soft, supple, super-stretchy Futurotic Plus? material, this is the closest to life-like as you will find. Over 6 pounds of virtual pleasure. The removable double bullets add extra pleasure to her already tight pussy and ass.

Includes: removable double bullets, talc and cherry lube.

This toy requires 2 AA batteries, not included.”

Tera Patrick Superstar

So you’ve made the investment in this ultra hot sex toy and you want to get the most out of it, right?  If you have a strong enough imagination that shouldn’t be hard.  But “kick it up a notch” as Emeril says, and add some real spice!

How about awesome visuals to help you on your way?  Then add Tera Patrick Superstar!

“The first four hour compilation of the hottest sex scenes from adult megastar Tera Patrick and friends.

This DVD packs some of Tera’s and TeraVision’s hottest scenes. Stay tuned for future editions of Tera Patrick’s four hour DVDs.

In the meantime, just sit back and enjoy yourself!”

That’s just what we’re talking about.  Throw in a little porn and enjoy yourself!  If you’re going to the trouble of getting an exact replica of Tera Patrick, take the fantasy all the way through and get the visuals right!  Combining a little porn with your sex toy play can make it that much more exciting!

So the next time you pick up a masturbator, realistic vagina or blowjob simulator, grab a good adult movie to make it an experience you’ll want over and over.

1.) Vibrating Fleshlight Vagina Male Masturbator Sex Toy Kit

I have to say, the office was in a little bit of a tizzy when we finally got this in stock. It is probably one of the the most widely known masturbators out there, and with good reason. The material used delivers a realistic sensation, and the ease to use and clean has caused it to sell over  2,000,000 units, making it one of the best vagina simulators on the market. This kit comes with the added bonus of three cockrings to prolong your pleasure and enjoyment.

2.) Vibrating Cock Ring – Red

I added this to my list because Tantus simply makes outstanding products. Made of medical grade silicone, it is the best material for sex toys available. Hypoallergenic, phthalate-free, odorless, tasteless, bleachable, boilable, non-pourus. That’s the medical end of things. As for the sexual part of the sex toy, this little guy will keep you looking large and hard for an extended period of time, and the removable bullet adds pleasure for your partner. It can be worn on top of your cock for stimulating her clit, or under the base of your balls stimulating your balls and your perineum.

3.) Pirates (3 Disc Set)

Sure this movie has been out for over four years, but it is still one of the porn industry’s highlights and well deserving of all the 11 AVN Awards it won. You don’t simply forget or dismiss Casablance because it was released in 1942, and with the all-star cast that combined plot, special effects, humor AND phenomenally smoking hot sex, Pirates is a most own movie. The three discs feature both standard DVD and WMV-HD DVD formats of the movie. Plus 16×9 widescreen format, bloopers, casting video, photo gallery, audio commentary with the stars, behind the scenes, visual FX making of, Pirates short, bios and trailers make it one of the few Collectors Edition DVDs (porn or not) that are truly worth owning.

4.) Fun Factory BodyFluid

A good lube is always necessary to have handy. Whether you are having fun with yourself, others or toys, Fun Factory’s 100ml of lubricant belongs in your bedstand. It is silicone based, has no taste or oder, and can also be used for massaging you partner. Even though it shouldn’t be used on silicone toys, it is safe for both vaginal and anal sex.

5.) Audrey Hollender Pile Driver Pussy and Ass

Yes, I know this comes with a hefty pricetag, butt… It’s Audrey Hollender. One of the latest and greatest to have her backside served by the biggest and best in the business. Molded from Audrey’s pussy and ass, using the realistic feeling CyberSkin and Dual Density Technology, it is both waterproof and phthalate free. It is one of the few, if any, toys that are molded as if Audrey was in a pile driver position, allowing for ultimate deep penetration of both her holes. Speaking of holes, both are hand painted and ribbed so not only do they look real, they feel real.

So there it is. A few of my handpicked selections for this month’s Featured Products for Men. Don’t forget to check me and my DVD reviews out over at DVDsandSexToys.com. And don’t worry. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I will be back later in the month with a few reviews. One for the Screaming O Plus and one for the Lovemoiselle Doriane Vibrator. Like most things at this job, there’s more good things to come.

After our party tonight, many of us will be rushing to prepare for family visitors, or to go visit the family.  There will be enough jet lag to keep the sleep medicine companies in business for a while.  Kids will be running amok around us. Grandparents will be pining for the old days. Dogs will take a giant whiz on the old Christmas tree. Uncle Joe will be forced to smoke outside after setting off the fire alarm in the bathroom. All manner of other problems will crop up, not least of which is cooking a dinner for our families and what will seem like several thousand of our closest friends.

To summarize, Après ce soir, le déluge.

For a private moment

And let’s be blunt, a house full of people – even for the most open minded among us – is just not conducive to knocking boots with verve. It’s a stressful time of the year in terms of sex, and if you’re among the lucky who have a healthy and active sexual lifestyle, it can be downright unnerving.  But there are ways to get around the problem, and still keep the old libido satisfied.

Let’s start with those of us flying solo for the holidays this year.  It could be that this isn’t the right time to bring your partner home to meet the family, or whatever other reason.  But you’re in that stage of your relationship where it’s sex, shower, sex, shower again, breakfast, go to work, sex, lunch, shower, go back to work, sex, dinner, sex, sex, sex, sex, shower, go to bed, repeat. It’s a little hard to hit the off button when you’re in that really cool groove.

And now you’re home with the family and you’re still feeling the urges.  We get it.  All of us have been in a similar situation at one time or another.  In fact, that’s why humans invented the shower.  It wasn’t for hygiene, it was to provide a place to wank when the rest of the clan showed up after the annual mammoth hunt.  So there you have it, wank in the shower.  Women can use a discreet vibrator like the White Nights Waterproof Pocket Rocket, and men can freestyle under the water jets with a good masturbator like the Classix Silicone Snatch.

Good for everyone involved

Granted, that’s nothing like the real thing, but as soon as we can figure out how to miniaturize your partner to hide in your overnight bag with a button to restore them to real size when you need them, we’ll be getting a patent and selling “Partner in a Bag” kits.  We already have the miniaturizing down, we’re just trying to get the poor guy back to full size and, boy, is he angry.

For the couples, especially those of you hosting family, you’re really going to have to work together to get through this without putting out the fires.  Guys, pitch in with half the work.  There’s a ton of cleaning to be done – even more if kids are involved – and the breakfasts, lunches and dinners don’t miraculously appear on the tables.  Do everything you can to help.  Ladies, take it easy a little.  Everything doesn’t have to be perfect.  And make sure both of you are showing each other appreciation for the teamwork.

And this would be a great time to go back to our Guy’s Holiday Buying Guide.  This time of year, if ever there was a perfect time, is the time of year to break out the stress fighters.  After everyone’s tucked in, and before you’re tuckered out, break out the massage oil and trade good massages.

And a little cuddling in a nice warm bed is a good way to spend some sensual time together without waking the house.  Of course it could lead to more, but don’t blame us if after the buildup, the moment is spoiled by a fire alarm set off by Uncle Joe trying to sneak a midnight smoke in the bathroom!

Keep your love life simple during the holidays and don’t expect the grand romps you’ve grown accustomed to during the rest of the year.  And if you’re a couple who has the house to themselves this year, you’re duty bound to pick up the slack for everyone dealing with an Uncle Joe.  Try out the Honeymoon Carry On Bag and have a blast!

Happy holidays and safe travels, and keep the fires burning for the New Year!