It’s Monday and we’re all probably trying to shake off the woes of another weekend slipping through our grasps.  For some of us, Sunday was a blur and we have the headaches to prove it.  Others of us had a dull weekend filled with duties and chores.  Yet others had a hodgepodge and just want to kick the Monday blues.

Time for a Handie

One day to help a guy get over the dreaded “Mondays” is to not let something slip through your grasp.  That’s right, today we’re talking about the woefully underrated, and seldom enjoyed hand job.

Some of you may find that a boring idea, but let me stop you there.  An average guy has been the recipient of hundreds, if not thousands (depending on his sex drive), of self administered hand jobs. Guys KNOW hand jobs. They like them. If you can administer one properly, he’ll be seriously impressed!

But a partner giving a hand job has many options available that aren’t when the guy is flying solo.  Let’s look at the options.

Option 1 – Old Reliable

Sometimes simple is best. There isn’t a swinging dick on the planet who will deny that a good old fashioned monkey-spank produces good results. If you’re new to the hand job, a good stroking is a great place to start.

Details: This one really is simple.  All you have to do is get a suitable grip and start to stroke up and down the shaft. The results will be exactly what your partner wants.

Manufacturer’s Notes: You can spice this one up by showing the boys some love.  Lift the shaft out of your way and have at them with some oral affection.  You’ll hear the groans and grunts of happiness if you’re doing it right.

Option 2 – The Herky Jerk

Edging is something many guys enjoy.  Basically, the idea is to get right to the point of orgasm and to stop, cool down and then repeat.  When it’s time to blow, the reaction is volcanic.  An edged orgasm is one of the most intense a person can have.

Recommended for the Herky Jerk

Details: This one requires a lighter touch and you’re going to need time.  Want a quickie?  If so, forget The Herky Jerk.  You have to spend time building up the heat and then letting it dissipate.  A good lube is perfect for The Herky Jerk, like the one we recommend here.

Manufacturer’s Notes: You’re absolutely going to have to communicate well to “pull off” a Herky Jerk.  You have to know when he’s close, so that you can ease the pressure.  This is a great time to kiss and get some reciprocation!

Option 3 – The Kiss of Little Death

The French have long referred to orgasm as the “little death.”  Sounds kind of depressing, unless you think of the rush and concluding temporary exhaustion, which then makes the phrase more sensible. But you can make the little death a little more bearable with a few oral pleasures added in.

Details: This is a classic hand job with a light touch of oral (EMPHASIS: LIGHT) pleasuring added in.  You can use a flavored oral sex lube to add to your pleasure while giving him his. The key is to tease the glans (head) of the penis as you gently caress the shaft.  Doing this over and over again in little teases throughout will drive him wild.

Manufacturer’s Notes: You could end up with more than a mouthful using this technique.  Usually the orgasm comes on very rapidly because of the multiple stimulation techniques. If you’re in a safe relationship and ok with that, enjoy!  If not, watch carefully for your partner’s expressions and have him communicate so that you know when it’s coming – literally.

Option 4 – The Double Fister

If you’re in a relationship with a partner who has a little extra artillery range (very well endowed), this is an option that will fire his gun. Two are usually better than one, and this is no exception.

Details: You’ll need a little coordination for this one.  Get both hands on the shaft with the appropriate grip and stroke them with synchronized movement.  You’ll know you’re off sync by his screams (if you go without lube), so try to keep things together.

Manufaturer’s Notes: Make sure your grip is the same on both hands, to keep the pressure constant. With this one, you can also switch hands off to give yourself a break.

The most important aspect to hand jobs is to freestyle.  Add your own unique touch to give your partner a signature handie.  The best part of all is that if your grip matches your partner’s desired stimulation, you can’t mess up a hand job.

So get a fist full and happy stroking!

Here’s our contribution to this week’s giant “Duh” file.  Holidays can wreak havoc on our sex lives.  Why, you may ask, would a group of people getting ready to indulge in the industry’s coolest office holiday party (we aren’t kidding, our company throws a holiday shindig so cool that if people knew about it, they’d forget trying to crash State dinners at the White House and try to crash our holiday party), be thinking about how their sex lives could be affected?  Easy.  We know that the holiday party is the precursor to the Holiday rush, even for people who devote their time to the best sex toys for couples on earth.

After our party tonight, many of us will be rushing to prepare for family visitors, or to go visit the family.  There will be enough jet lag to keep the sleep medicine companies in business for a while.  Kids will be running amok around us. Grandparents will be pining for the old days. Dogs will take a giant whiz on the old Christmas tree. Uncle Joe will be forced to smoke outside after setting off the fire alarm in the bathroom. All manner of other problems will crop up, not least of which is cooking a dinner for our families and what will seem like several thousand of our closest friends.

To summarize, Après ce soir, le déluge.

For a private moment

And let’s be blunt, a house full of people – even for the most open minded among us – is just not conducive to knocking boots with verve. It’s a stressful time of the year in terms of sex, and if you’re among the lucky who have a healthy and active sexual lifestyle, it can be downright unnerving.  But there are ways to get around the problem, and still keep the old libido satisfied.

Let’s start with those of us flying solo for the holidays this year.  It could be that this isn’t the right time to bring your partner home to meet the family, or whatever other reason.  But you’re in that stage of your relationship where it’s sex, shower, sex, shower again, breakfast, go to work, sex, lunch, shower, go back to work, sex, dinner, sex, sex, sex, sex, shower, go to bed, repeat. It’s a little hard to hit the off button when you’re in that really cool groove.

And now you’re home with the family and you’re still feeling the urges.  We get it.  All of us have been in a similar situation at one time or another.  In fact, that’s why humans invented the shower.  It wasn’t for hygiene, it was to provide a place to wank when the rest of the clan showed up after the annual mammoth hunt.  So there you have it, wank in the shower.  Women can use a discreet vibrator like the White Nights Waterproof Pocket Rocket, and men can freestyle under the water jets with a good masturbator like the Classix Silicone Snatch.

Good for everyone involved

Granted, that’s nothing like the real thing, but as soon as we can figure out how to miniaturize your partner to hide in your overnight bag with a button to restore them to real size when you need them, we’ll be getting a patent and selling “Partner in a Bag” kits.  We already have the miniaturizing down, we’re just trying to get the poor guy back to full size and, boy, is he angry.

For the couples, especially those of you hosting family, you’re really going to have to work together to get through this without putting out the fires.  Guys, pitch in with half the work.  There’s a ton of cleaning to be done – even more if kids are involved – and the breakfasts, lunches and dinners don’t miraculously appear on the tables.  Do everything you can to help.  Ladies, take it easy a little.  Everything doesn’t have to be perfect.  And make sure both of you are showing each other appreciation for the teamwork.

And this would be a great time to go back to our Guy’s Holiday Buying Guide.  This time of year, if ever there was a perfect time, is the time of year to break out the stress fighters.  After everyone’s tucked in, and before you’re tuckered out, break out the massage oil and trade good massages.

And a little cuddling in a nice warm bed is a good way to spend some sensual time together without waking the house.  Of course it could lead to more, but don’t blame us if after the buildup, the moment is spoiled by a fire alarm set off by Uncle Joe trying to sneak a midnight smoke in the bathroom!

Keep your love life simple during the holidays and don’t expect the grand romps you’ve grown accustomed to during the rest of the year.  And if you’re a couple who has the house to themselves this year, you’re duty bound to pick up the slack for everyone dealing with an Uncle Joe.  Try out the Honeymoon Carry On Bag and have a blast!

Happy holidays and safe travels, and keep the fires burning for the New Year!

OK, boys, it’s time to think about that Christmas gift.  And if you’re lucky enough to have someone naughty in your life, you’re thinking what I’m thinking, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, sex toys for couples.  That’s right, this is the perfect season to put a little extra hot sauce in the relationship stew.  Well, first, take your finger off the mouse, and don’t click the button to complete your purchase.  That’s right, we have to put those thinking caps on for just a few minutes.

Click this picture for a good idea

Now, for our less experienced brethren, we need to spell some things out.  Trust me boys, reading this is going to spare you an awkward stare in the best case scenario, or a “What were you thinking?” question in the worst case scenario.  Here’s a little tip from your friendly testosterone based sex toy expert: What we find incredibly hot, may not always be what women find incredibly hot.

Maybe a good idea or maybe not

Take that dildo you were staring at a few minutes ago.  You might have been thinking “Wow, she’ll love this!”  That may be true, but are you willing to risk your studliness rating on it?  Think it through with me now.  If you know her sexual appetites like the back of your hand (you lucky devil), you may be perfectly alright buying that dildo.  And that’s good.  But why would you settle for good when you can have the best?

That’s right.  This year, you’re going to enhance your sex life with the tools that our spies have identified as THE most effective tools in the war against boring sex, and give her a holiday gift she’ll love.  Boring sex is perhaps the toughest opponent we men have battled since the beginning of history.  You think Genghis Khan was tough? Puh-lease.  The Mongol hordes were cupcakes compared to, “If you insist, but I really have a headache.”  You can kill a horse mounted archer.  “I’m not in the mood” is an ethereal vapor that can only be temporarily dispelled.

And boring sex has some powerful allies.  Stress, moods, misunderstandings, thoughtlessness, anger and hurrying all give boring sex their complete endorsement and support.  To fight boring sex, you must defeat this great evil’s allies.

Misunderstandings, thoughtlessness and anger can all be easily defeated.  Try being nicer.  Put your partner first sometimes.  Listen (yeah, I know, that’s one of the hard ones, but if you try it, you may actually learn something too).  Here’s a thought, make your partner dinner (or buy a really nice bring home one if you really can’t cook – learn to cook) and have it waiting for her for when she gets home from work.  Around the high-strung holidays, this is an excellent idea.

You serve it up and sit and enjoy it with her, listening to how her day went.  That’s only a first step, but you’ll be on your way. And watch her facial expression as you pay attention to what’s on HER mind, not yours.  Trust me boys, this one is a winning strategy for not just sex, but for everything.

Give her a stress reliever

Stress is an evil ally of boring sex that really takes an effort to dispel.  Try cleaning the house some, doing things that irritate her less, and doing things for her that really make her uncomfortable to do herself.  PAY ATTENTION MEN, HERE COME SOME SERIOUS TOOLS.

The next step to defeating stress is to provide an environment for her where she can totally relax.  The warriors among us know exactly how good a hot tub can feel after a hard workout or practice.  Give her the holiday gift of a luxuriant bath, and you’ll deal stress a wicked blow.  Watch her go from cranky to cozy as the hot bath filled with Kama Sutra’s Treasures of the Sea pampers her.  She’ll let that stress melt into the sea blue bath and be feeling better in short order.

Some of the young bucks among us are now asking “What does this have to do with me getting laid?”  Settle down and read on, boys, you may learn something.

Next on the holiday list to kill off some stress is a great massage.  Our spies report that nothing on earth is better for relieving stress than a good massage where it counts.  Is your partner on her feet all day?  A good foot massage is a perfect way to show her you appreciate her.  Does she have a high stress office job that keeps her under pressure?  Neck and shoulder massages, coupled with a good back massage can release all of that stress if you take your time and do it right.  Get a good massage oil and give her the attention she needs (and most likely really wants if you aren’t doing this already).

You can add to all of the relaxation with some aromatics as well.  A good candle is an excellent choice to accompany the hot bath.  The Ocean breeze scented candle would match nicely with the Treasures of the Sea. It’s all about the moment, boys.  If she can relax and enjoy the moment, stress will flow right out of her and you’ll be Mr. Hero in that moment.  Want some real fun?  Get a candle that produces massage oil like the 3 in 1 Yule Love It, which is a perfect choice for the holidays!

Everything you can do to relieve and reduce stress is one more point scored against boring sex.  Where were we on the list?  Right, moods and hurrying are left.  Here’s the thing, sometimes everyone involved wants a quickie, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  No better way to start the day than with a nice orgasm all around.

But quickies are just that, a quick moment of pleasure.  If you want the mind bending, knee rattling orgasm, you’re going to need time and the right mood.  Lucky for us, Sarah has done an extensive post on how to fight both of these enemies.  Now the smart among us are thinking “This sounds like an awful lot of work, and it isn’t what I would’ve thought, so it must be right!”  The idiots will buy a random sex toy and say “Hey honey, let’s get down for Christmas.”

Boys, invest in the gifts above this holiday season and you’ll win.  Trust me.  Focus on her, relieve stress, show some serious affection and the boring sex won’t even try to make an appearance again before Valentine’s Day, which is another great opportunity to shower her with more happiness.

Good luck, man up, and get shopping.

We’ve received many requests lately from customers asking which is the best toy for them.  It’s understandable that people can be overwhelmed with the number of sex toys that are on the market.  But it is also tough to answer that question.  If someone asked you which dildo was right for them, where do you begin? That’s a tough question.

Think about purchasing a vehicle, for instance.  A large family might want a mini-van, a carpenter would probably want a truck, some people buy cars to show off, others want hybrids for good gas mileage.  The point is, when you’re ready to buy a vehicle, you think about why you want a vehicle before you go shopping.

The last time we wrote about this subject was January, in a post titled Which Toy is Best?.  And if you’re looking for a bunch of extra details, that’s a great post to read.  But today we’re going to simplify the process (just in time for your holiday shopping).  Here are the basic questions you should ask yourself before you make a purchase:

1. What turns me on? The first key to selecting a sex toy is knowing what stimulation “does it” for you.  For women, do you like clitoral stimulation, G Spot stimulation, penetration, or all of the above?  For men, do you need something to help you take it slow and easy and enjoy the ride, or do you need something for a quickie?  Also guys, do you know the joys of prostate massage?  And for couples, what do you want to do together to spice things up, and what sex toy will accomplish that goal?

2. When and where will I use it? It’s pointless to purchase a sex toy that is impractical for your life.  Say you share a house or apartment and want something you can use privately.  What good is it to buy a vibrator that is extraordinarily loud?  Or you want something to use while you bathe or shower, but you buy something that isn’t water proof.  That doesn’t make much sense either.  Always make sure that a sex toy’s features will match up with the realities of your lifestyle.

3. What will it take to maintain it? Silicone, glass and hard plastic sex toys clean up in a snap, are usually very durable and require much less maintenance than most other materials.  They also last longer.  If you get a porous, or skin-like sex toy, are you willing to spend the time and energy to clean it properly, and store it according to manufacturer specifications?

4. Will this affect my body? If you have a latex allergy, you don’t want a rubber toy.  Remember also that your nose is a part of your body.  Some sex toys don’t have any smell associated with them (yes, silicone, glass and hard plastics – again).  Other sex toys do.  Jelly sex toys and rubber sex toys can carry strong smells in some instances.  You don’t want the smell of your dong to ruin the moment.

5. What am I willing to pay? Notice that this question comes last.  It’s pointless to buy an inexpensive sex toy if you can’t use it because it’s too loud, too big, too weak, not waterproof, and the list could go on.  Once you know what you want, then you can price shop.  For a first sex toy, it is always better to spend a few dollars more and get a high quality product.  The healthiness and happiness it can bring is far preferable to a few dollars saved leading to massive disappointment.

We hope this helps you in your shopping.  Good luck!

Guys who have experienced an orgasm via prostate massage can tell you that a prostate massager could easily become a man’s best friend.  And women or men who know how to administer a prostate massage can easily overtake the prostate massager on that guy’s cool list.  But how do you really have fun with a prostate massage?  We have some tips to get you going.

This is the part where, being anal retentive about things, we remind you to go see a doctor and make sure your prostate is in good health before you try this.  An inflamed prostate receiving any pressure at all will definitely make your day a painful one.  Also, you don’t want to cause further injury if your prostate is not healthy.  Get a clean bill of health before you give it a go, especially if you are over 40 years old.

So we’ll start with a little information about the prostate.  From WebMD:

“The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis. The prostate is just in front of the rectum. The urethra runs through the center of the prostate, from the bladder to the penis, letting urine flow out of the body.

The prostate secretes fluid that nourishes and protects sperm. During ejaculation, the prostate squeezes this fluid into the urethra, and it’s expelled with sperm as semen.

The vasa deferentia (singular: vas deferens) bring sperm from the testes to the seminal vesicles. The seminal vesicles contribute fluid to semen during ejaculation.”

Aneros Helix

That’s the long way of saying that when you ejaculate, the prostate is intimately involved.  And, as a side note, frequent ejaculation might actually be good for your prostate.  That’s where a prostate massage can be an added treat.

Now, in some fetish play, prostate massage is used for creating ejaculation alone – or a “ruined orgasm.”  If you are into orgasm denial, that’s your ticket.  But, if like me, you kind of consider an orgasm a fun part of sex, then you might want to go for the prostate massage – masturbation combo.  Or you could even go for the mother of all orgasmic explosions with the prostate massage – perineum massage – oral sex package that will leave you as a collection of jumbled, happy nerve endings.

Here are your tips to get going.  First, start small.  Have your partner use her or his finger to gently massage the prostate.  Simple strokes along it are best for a smooth experience.  I strongly recommend a healthy dose of water based lubricant and a rubber glove for the first time.  And make sure all fingernails are neatly trimmed.  Let your partner massage your prostate while you masturbate.  This will get you comfortable with the stimulation.

Next, experiment with internal massage versus a massage of the perineum alone.  The perineum is a stretch of skin between the testicles and anus.  The perineum is directly below the prostate.  You can do a perineum massage first, if you like, but I always suggest internal first to get a feel for anal stimulation.  You may find that the perineum massage is a better way for you, but remember that the urethra runs along the perineum and some people find it uncomfortable to get that kind of massage.

After that, you might want to try out a prostate massager.  Many vibrate, some offer multiple massage points, but almost all of them function better than anything else for a great prostate massage.  Again, start small.  The last thing you want to do is start anal play with the largest sex toy you can find.

Next, always remember to pay close attention to your comfort level.  If something starts to feel uncomfortable, stop the massage.  This is important.  You can cause injury to yourself if you don’t pay close attention.

And finally, some of you have been waiting to hear how to get the best of all combos.  That’s something you and your partner will need to discover together.  Good luck and enjoy the journey!