Make Your Halloween Party Sexy and Fun
Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
ATTENTION You will not find her in a Lamestorm ATTENTION
On the radar, we’ve spotted a Lamestorm…
“Say, Bob, that sure is a cool Vampire suit,” Johnny says as he wipes cracker crumbs off his chin. “Mike came as Darth Vader, you know.” He washes down his cheese cracker with the four dollar wine and waves Janet over. “Hey, Janet, come check out Bob’s Vampire suit!”
Janet rolls her eyes and heads for the Gin spiked punch bowl. Susan’s on the couch, listening to ballads that weren’t even “that cool” twenty years ago when they were made. She crosses her legs, leans back and reaches into her purse for a cigarette, remembering that she’d have to go out on the back patio to smoke it. She pulls her hand back and crosses her arms when she thinks of Tony stomping around drunk in the back yard with his ten dollar Frankenstein mask.
The rental disc jockey picks up his microphone and says, “Alright everyone, Joe says it’s time to play Transylvania Style Charades! Everyone into the living room! I’ll be back on in thirty minutes, playing your favorite hits! Remember the tip jar!”
Susan stands up, picks up her purse and heads for the patio. She figures watching Tony act like a drunken sot would be more entertaining than trying to signal “werewolf” to Count Draculidiot and Darth Vader. Amber’s pulled out her car keys and heads for the door. Raymond has fallen asleep in the dining room next to the Hors D’oeuvres.
*****
This could be your Halloween party. Tragically, each year lame parties break out on major holidays around the world. You don’t have to be a victim of this insidious phenomena. They spring up from random acts of unimaginative planning, careless disregard for fun and from the minds of people trapped in corporate jobs where fun is defined by one’s productivity divided by one’s total break time plus lunch.
Only you can prevent Lame Party Syndrome.
For starters, please don’t wear a lame costume. This is the beginning of the Lamestorm. If you wear something tired, dull and unimaginative, you will only create a Lame Field around you that affects others. They innocently wander into your Lame Field and themselves begin to feel lame.
If you don’t have the time to spend on costume selection, just go here for a good idea. If you create a Lame Field, you have only yourself to blame. Lame Party Syndrome most frequently breaks out in the closets of those invited.
Play this at your next party to create a waiting list for the following year
Next, don’t buy cheap drinks. C’mon, man, this is a holiday! Spend a couple extra bucks for the good stuff. And for crying out loud, don’t use styrofoam or paper cups. Are you kidding me? You’ll create a monumental Lamestorm when the beverage gods see the good stuff going into environmentally unsound – or worse yet – Lame containers.
Get some of these and block the Lame with a sexy twist.
Finally, while Count Draculidiot and Darth Vader may love “Transylvania Style Charades,” you’ll bring serious Lame into the party atmosphere with them. Heck, the only thing more dangerous to fun would be the “Uber” (used here for effect) Lame Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock collaborating with those dressed as Romulans to play “Star Trek Style Charades.”
As an aside, should that actually happen at a party you attend: a) Reconsider your invitation acceptance strategy b) Chug as much of the cheap booze as you can manage, and c) Hail the nearest cab, lest you wake up next to a Klingon commander in the morning.
Get a fun, sexy game to play at the party! A fun game (if you play games) is the difference between a good time and a Lame Party Syndrome that sends your guests home in an angry, stultified stupor.
This concludes the Sextoys.com Partyology Department’s Official Lamestorm Warning And Holiday Statement.
