The ridiculously oppressive heat is definitely old news.  We’re hot, we’re sweaty, we’re practically knocking on death’s door every time we walk outside.  Got it.  BUT, I’m pretty bored with staying inside.  There are only so many movies I can watch before I turn into old Grandpa and nod off just after the opening credits.  I’m thinking having sex, masturbating and watching porn are fantastic activities to partake in while Satan breathes down our throats for the next few weeks.

Explore.  Explore yourself and each other.  Never really been much of a do-it-yourselfer?  Well, now is the time to give it a whirl.  Getting to know yourself via self lovin’ is a great way to gain more awareness of what you need in the sack.  You’ll be a better communicator and lover.  Plus, there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that it  feels good.  If your special someone is hanging around, I suggest getting naked and playing with each other.  Try a little something new.  Turn up the kink or get romantic.  Every time you venture into new sexual territory your relationship grows stronger.  And I think we can all agree that screwing is a lot better than sitting at home and arguing over what to watch on T.V. or what to have for dinner and who it was that decided last time.

Watch Porn.  Seriously.  Many of you are probably thinking that is dumb suggestion because you have porn playing in the background right now.  I’m not talking to the people that have it loaded and ready to go every time you’re a lone in the house.  I’m talking to those of you who never/ rarely watch people doing it on your T.V. or computer screen.  You just might like it.  If nothing else, you’ll get a few new ideas to throw into your repertoire or perhaps a few ideas of what you’ll never do.  Either way, it’s a win.

Best of luck in the heat this weekend.  Although, I don’t have to actually say that because you’ll be inside making the bed rattle, won’t you?

The ruthless host yanks my tail.  The snaps pop and the bloody stuffed fabric end of my severed fifth limb is exposed.  The host exits through the gold sequined curtain as the music starts.  I pine over the loss of my tail.  I slowly strip in memory of the times we have spent together.  A glove. Stockings.  The second glove.  The song narrates my sadness; “give me time to ease the pain”.  In a frenzy of emotion I grasp my tail, lay it on its final resting place with controlled resistance, and then the finale.  With haste, but not without tease, I remove my last piece of lizard clothing.  The audience erupts with laughter, applause, ovation and praise.  One single word stands out from the roar.  HOT!

I am browsing through the endless array of toys and treats on sextoys.com as I reflect on last weekend’s show.  Some hot products stand out while my mind wanders.

Bondage I Rub My Duckie

1. The Fetish Fantasy Inflatable Hot Seat.  The multi-speed dong gives me the impression that they aren’t talking about the political talk show from the 80′s.

2. That is one hot duck!  The Bondage I Rub My Duckie may not be best for practical use, but it comes with its own set of handcuffs!  Don’t you just want to spank him? 

3. I must figure out a way to incorporate the Devilish Desire into my Devil Blues number.  It is in fact the hottest number I have ever done with Joey Martini.

4. Jesse Jane’s Funky Cuffs with “Hot Sex” printed on the fur.  As if I need to be reminded of how hot boom-boom time is when handcuffs come in to play.  Thank you Captain Obvious.  I still want them hanging over my bed.

5. Buck has now taken to other activities.  He received a package the other day labeled “Jenna’s Hot Trimmer“.  Fortunately, he uses it in the privacy of his own home. Maintenance is totally hot though.