It’s Monday and we’re all probably trying to shake off the woes of another weekend slipping through our grasps.  For some of us, Sunday was a blur and we have the headaches to prove it.  Others of us had a dull weekend filled with duties and chores.  Yet others had a hodgepodge and just want to kick the Monday blues.

Time for a Handie

One day to help a guy get over the dreaded “Mondays” is to not let something slip through your grasp.  That’s right, today we’re talking about the woefully underrated, and seldom enjoyed hand job.

Some of you may find that a boring idea, but let me stop you there.  An average guy has been the recipient of hundreds, if not thousands (depending on his sex drive), of self administered hand jobs. Guys KNOW hand jobs. They like them. If you can administer one properly, he’ll be seriously impressed!

But a partner giving a hand job has many options available that aren’t when the guy is flying solo.  Let’s look at the options.

Option 1 – Old Reliable

Sometimes simple is best. There isn’t a swinging dick on the planet who will deny that a good old fashioned monkey-spank produces good results. If you’re new to the hand job, a good stroking is a great place to start.

Details: This one really is simple.  All you have to do is get a suitable grip and start to stroke up and down the shaft. The results will be exactly what your partner wants.

Manufacturer’s Notes: You can spice this one up by showing the boys some love.  Lift the shaft out of your way and have at them with some oral affection.  You’ll hear the groans and grunts of happiness if you’re doing it right.

Option 2 – The Herky Jerk

Edging is something many guys enjoy.  Basically, the idea is to get right to the point of orgasm and to stop, cool down and then repeat.  When it’s time to blow, the reaction is volcanic.  An edged orgasm is one of the most intense a person can have.

Recommended for the Herky Jerk

Details: This one requires a lighter touch and you’re going to need time.  Want a quickie?  If so, forget The Herky Jerk.  You have to spend time building up the heat and then letting it dissipate.  A good lube is perfect for The Herky Jerk, like the one we recommend here.

Manufacturer’s Notes: You’re absolutely going to have to communicate well to “pull off” a Herky Jerk.  You have to know when he’s close, so that you can ease the pressure.  This is a great time to kiss and get some reciprocation!

Option 3 – The Kiss of Little Death

The French have long referred to orgasm as the “little death.”  Sounds kind of depressing, unless you think of the rush and concluding temporary exhaustion, which then makes the phrase more sensible. But you can make the little death a little more bearable with a few oral pleasures added in.

Details: This is a classic hand job with a light touch of oral (EMPHASIS: LIGHT) pleasuring added in.  You can use a flavored oral sex lube to add to your pleasure while giving him his. The key is to tease the glans (head) of the penis as you gently caress the shaft.  Doing this over and over again in little teases throughout will drive him wild.

Manufacturer’s Notes: You could end up with more than a mouthful using this technique.  Usually the orgasm comes on very rapidly because of the multiple stimulation techniques. If you’re in a safe relationship and ok with that, enjoy!  If not, watch carefully for your partner’s expressions and have him communicate so that you know when it’s coming – literally.

Option 4 – The Double Fister

If you’re in a relationship with a partner who has a little extra artillery range (very well endowed), this is an option that will fire his gun. Two are usually better than one, and this is no exception.

Details: You’ll need a little coordination for this one.  Get both hands on the shaft with the appropriate grip and stroke them with synchronized movement.  You’ll know you’re off sync by his screams (if you go without lube), so try to keep things together.

Manufaturer’s Notes: Make sure your grip is the same on both hands, to keep the pressure constant. With this one, you can also switch hands off to give yourself a break.

The most important aspect to hand jobs is to freestyle.  Add your own unique touch to give your partner a signature handie.  The best part of all is that if your grip matches your partner’s desired stimulation, you can’t mess up a hand job.

So get a fist full and happy stroking!

Almost everyone knows that sex toys are a great option when you want a little “alone” time during adult play.  And we can’t argue that sometimes, me, myself and I are great play partners who know all the right spots.  But we also know that two people who are having fun can strategically employ sex toys to make orgasms that much more powerful.

Sarah did a great post on kits for couples, and there are great options in it.  Kits of toys definitely get you plenty of bang for your buck.  We also have some other toys that can put lots of bang back into play time.  And for a limited time, you can use the offer code toysfor2 to get a 10% discount on purchases over $30.  Here’s a couple of banging sex toys that qualify for the couples’ offer code!

The Super Sex Sling by SportSheets:

Super Sex Sling

“The Sportsheets Super Sex Sling can help ease you comfortably into new erotic discoveries. This model has a deluxe comfort neck rest, plus extended straps and supports. Fully adjustable.”

This rig retails for $64.89.

Let’s face it, there are many slings out there, and most work fine.  But you add serious posh with this sling.  The padded neck support and ankle cuffs take all of the work out of maintaining the perfect position.  And both partners get to have fun without worrying about angles, sweet spots or anything else.  Just remember to use the offer code toysfor2 to get your discount.

Beginner Strap On For Him

Fetish Fantasy Beginners Strap On For Him:

“Perfect for rear-end rookies! You have teased him with your finger and your tongue, now he wants more. Give your boy-toy the anal satisfaction he craves with this petite 4.24 long curved jelly dong.

The shaft has a diameter ranging up to 1.25. The cleverly curved design will reach his sweet spot with ease. The durable 4-way nylon straps for the harness easily adjust to fit most, while the plush-lined harness comfortably stays in place when the action heats up.

The harness includes three interchangeable rubber rings of varying sizes to hold most of your favorite harness compatible toys. A free satin mask is included for keeping you or your lover guessing as to what comes next. Strap-on the passion and explore your fantasies.”

This awesome strap on retails for $38.89, but you can take 10% off with the offer code toysfor2 while this deal lasts.

While not everyone is a huge fan of Valentine’s Day, I see it as a great excuse to spoil someone you love.  Of course, this could mean taking your partner of ten years out for a night on the town or turning off your cell phone, getting take out and enjoying a quiet evening of quality alone time.

If you’re looking for a last minute gift idea that’ll set you up for plenty of good times in 2010, I’ve compiled a list of great products that are sure to please.

1.  Energizing Foaming Bath – Everyone loves a good bath and it’s one of my favorite ways to relax after a long, hard day. What’s even better, is that whether I’m running a bath for my partner or treating myself to a good long soak, it seems that an orgasm is usually in store for someone!

2. Mini Mini Wanachi – This cordless massager is perfect for sexy times or working out the kinks! The relaxing vibrations relieve tension and reduce muscle fatigue, giving your aching body the recharge it deserves.

3. Nina Hartley’s Guide To Simultaneous Orgasms – This is a great DVD for couples who are looking to connect on an even deeper level. No one does educational DVD’s like adult superstar Nina Hartley!

4. Savoure Moi – Strawberry - This strawberry flavored lotion from Fun Factory is sure to heat things up and is the perfect dessert to end a special Valentine’s Day dinner!

5. Chains of Love Bondage Kit – I couldn’t make this list without adding something a little kinky. This kit from Pipedream is all you need to explore your naughty side and turn your fantasies into reality.

Head over to Sextoys.com for more great gift ideas.

OK, boys, it’s time to think about that Christmas gift.  And if you’re lucky enough to have someone naughty in your life, you’re thinking what I’m thinking, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, sex toys for couples.  That’s right, this is the perfect season to put a little extra hot sauce in the relationship stew.  Well, first, take your finger off the mouse, and don’t click the button to complete your purchase.  That’s right, we have to put those thinking caps on for just a few minutes.

Click this picture for a good idea

Now, for our less experienced brethren, we need to spell some things out.  Trust me boys, reading this is going to spare you an awkward stare in the best case scenario, or a “What were you thinking?” question in the worst case scenario.  Here’s a little tip from your friendly testosterone based sex toy expert: What we find incredibly hot, may not always be what women find incredibly hot.

Maybe a good idea or maybe not

Take that dildo you were staring at a few minutes ago.  You might have been thinking “Wow, she’ll love this!”  That may be true, but are you willing to risk your studliness rating on it?  Think it through with me now.  If you know her sexual appetites like the back of your hand (you lucky devil), you may be perfectly alright buying that dildo.  And that’s good.  But why would you settle for good when you can have the best?

That’s right.  This year, you’re going to enhance your sex life with the tools that our spies have identified as THE most effective tools in the war against boring sex, and give her a holiday gift she’ll love.  Boring sex is perhaps the toughest opponent we men have battled since the beginning of history.  You think Genghis Khan was tough? Puh-lease.  The Mongol hordes were cupcakes compared to, “If you insist, but I really have a headache.”  You can kill a horse mounted archer.  “I’m not in the mood” is an ethereal vapor that can only be temporarily dispelled.

And boring sex has some powerful allies.  Stress, moods, misunderstandings, thoughtlessness, anger and hurrying all give boring sex their complete endorsement and support.  To fight boring sex, you must defeat this great evil’s allies.

Misunderstandings, thoughtlessness and anger can all be easily defeated.  Try being nicer.  Put your partner first sometimes.  Listen (yeah, I know, that’s one of the hard ones, but if you try it, you may actually learn something too).  Here’s a thought, make your partner dinner (or buy a really nice bring home one if you really can’t cook – learn to cook) and have it waiting for her for when she gets home from work.  Around the high-strung holidays, this is an excellent idea.

You serve it up and sit and enjoy it with her, listening to how her day went.  That’s only a first step, but you’ll be on your way. And watch her facial expression as you pay attention to what’s on HER mind, not yours.  Trust me boys, this one is a winning strategy for not just sex, but for everything.

Give her a stress reliever

Stress is an evil ally of boring sex that really takes an effort to dispel.  Try cleaning the house some, doing things that irritate her less, and doing things for her that really make her uncomfortable to do herself.  PAY ATTENTION MEN, HERE COME SOME SERIOUS TOOLS.

The next step to defeating stress is to provide an environment for her where she can totally relax.  The warriors among us know exactly how good a hot tub can feel after a hard workout or practice.  Give her the holiday gift of a luxuriant bath, and you’ll deal stress a wicked blow.  Watch her go from cranky to cozy as the hot bath filled with Kama Sutra’s Treasures of the Sea pampers her.  She’ll let that stress melt into the sea blue bath and be feeling better in short order.

Some of the young bucks among us are now asking “What does this have to do with me getting laid?”  Settle down and read on, boys, you may learn something.

Next on the holiday list to kill off some stress is a great massage.  Our spies report that nothing on earth is better for relieving stress than a good massage where it counts.  Is your partner on her feet all day?  A good foot massage is a perfect way to show her you appreciate her.  Does she have a high stress office job that keeps her under pressure?  Neck and shoulder massages, coupled with a good back massage can release all of that stress if you take your time and do it right.  Get a good massage oil and give her the attention she needs (and most likely really wants if you aren’t doing this already).

You can add to all of the relaxation with some aromatics as well.  A good candle is an excellent choice to accompany the hot bath.  The Ocean breeze scented candle would match nicely with the Treasures of the Sea. It’s all about the moment, boys.  If she can relax and enjoy the moment, stress will flow right out of her and you’ll be Mr. Hero in that moment.  Want some real fun?  Get a candle that produces massage oil like the 3 in 1 Yule Love It, which is a perfect choice for the holidays!

Everything you can do to relieve and reduce stress is one more point scored against boring sex.  Where were we on the list?  Right, moods and hurrying are left.  Here’s the thing, sometimes everyone involved wants a quickie, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  No better way to start the day than with a nice orgasm all around.

But quickies are just that, a quick moment of pleasure.  If you want the mind bending, knee rattling orgasm, you’re going to need time and the right mood.  Lucky for us, Sarah has done an extensive post on how to fight both of these enemies.  Now the smart among us are thinking “This sounds like an awful lot of work, and it isn’t what I would’ve thought, so it must be right!”  The idiots will buy a random sex toy and say “Hey honey, let’s get down for Christmas.”

Boys, invest in the gifts above this holiday season and you’ll win.  Trust me.  Focus on her, relieve stress, show some serious affection and the boring sex won’t even try to make an appearance again before Valentine’s Day, which is another great opportunity to shower her with more happiness.

Good luck, man up, and get shopping.

Only three weeks stand between you and another New Year.  And we at the Sextoys.com Partyology Department know what that means.  Another January 1st with a bad headache, a realization that at least half of your resolutions were broken before you got in the cab to go home, a dry mouth and a sincere desire to remember what happened between 2 and 5 AM.  We’re here to tell you that this year it can be different.

Time to get ready for the New Year

If you’re willing to put the time, effort and thought into a different sort of New Year, we’re willing to give you the tools!  It all starts with the party.  Sure, go have a toast with your friends.  Enjoy the company and wish everyone well.  But before you go, sit down with your partner and make a list of sexual resolutions.  We’re pretty sure that when midnight rolls around, you and your partner will have plenty of reasons to get home as soon as possible.

Here’s a helpful list of suggestions:

Resolution 1: We will start our sexual New Year as soon as possible! 1 AM sounds about right.  We’ll have to get home fast to make it!

Resolution 2: We’re going to try new things this year together.  Oh, we think you have a good idea of new things you want to try.  Sit down and do a bargaining session (I’ll let you use that Strap On if you promise to try the deep throat mints and give it a go!). Ya might want to do this bargaining a little before (like now), since it’s hard to find strap ons and deep throat mints at 1AM on January 1st.

Resolution 3: I’m going to find a different stimulus to get an orgasm.  Oh dear, this could take some time and experimenting.  On the other hand, WOO HOO, it’s going to take time and experimenting!  Heck, let’s make our entire body a playground.  Let’s try some anal play, nipple stimulation, different massages and anything else we can think to tinker with!

Resolution 4: I’m going to turn my play time into something really fun.  Try some games together, maybe fun sex dice, or strip poker, or, well, use your imagination!  You’ll figure out ways to laugh and make love in a whole new way!

Resolution 5: We are going to do this more often.  Do we need to explain this one?

Make your own resolutions and stick to them.  And always remember that the Sextoys.com Partyology Department is here to help you stay on track to a great sex life!