OK, boys, it’s time to think about that Christmas gift. And if you’re lucky enough to have someone naughty in your life, you’re thinking what I’m thinking, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, sex toys for couples. That’s right, this is the perfect season to put a little extra hot sauce in the relationship stew. Well, first, take your finger off the mouse, and don’t click the button to complete your purchase. That’s right, we have to put those thinking caps on for just a few minutes.
Click this picture for a good idea
Now, for our less experienced brethren, we need to spell some things out. Trust me boys, reading this is going to spare you an awkward stare in the best case scenario, or a “What were you thinking?” question in the worst case scenario. Here’s a little tip from your friendly testosterone based sex toy expert: What we find incredibly hot, may not always be what women find incredibly hot.
Maybe a good idea or maybe not
Take that dildo you were staring at a few minutes ago. You might have been thinking “Wow, she’ll love this!” That may be true, but are you willing to risk your studliness rating on it? Think it through with me now. If you know her sexual appetites like the back of your hand (you lucky devil), you may be perfectly alright buying that dildo. And that’s good. But why would you settle for good when you can have the best?
That’s right. This year, you’re going to enhance your sex life with the tools that our spies have identified as THE most effective tools in the war against boring sex, and give her a holiday gift she’ll love. Boring sex is perhaps the toughest opponent we men have battled since the beginning of history. You think Genghis Khan was tough? Puh-lease. The Mongol hordes were cupcakes compared to, “If you insist, but I really have a headache.” You can kill a horse mounted archer. “I’m not in the mood” is an ethereal vapor that can only be temporarily dispelled.
And boring sex has some powerful allies. Stress, moods, misunderstandings, thoughtlessness, anger and hurrying all give boring sex their complete endorsement and support. To fight boring sex, you must defeat this great evil’s allies.
Misunderstandings, thoughtlessness and anger can all be easily defeated. Try being nicer. Put your partner first sometimes. Listen (yeah, I know, that’s one of the hard ones, but if you try it, you may actually learn something too). Here’s a thought, make your partner dinner (or buy a really nice bring home one if you really can’t cook – learn to cook) and have it waiting for her for when she gets home from work. Around the high-strung holidays, this is an excellent idea.
You serve it up and sit and enjoy it with her, listening to how her day went. That’s only a first step, but you’ll be on your way. And watch her facial expression as you pay attention to what’s on HER mind, not yours. Trust me boys, this one is a winning strategy for not just sex, but for everything.
Give her a stress reliever
Stress is an evil ally of boring sex that really takes an effort to dispel. Try cleaning the house some, doing things that irritate her less, and doing things for her that really make her uncomfortable to do herself. PAY ATTENTION MEN, HERE COME SOME SERIOUS TOOLS.
The next step to defeating stress is to provide an environment for her where she can totally relax. The warriors among us know exactly how good a hot tub can feel after a hard workout or practice. Give her the holiday gift of a luxuriant bath, and you’ll deal stress a wicked blow. Watch her go from cranky to cozy as the hot bath filled with Kama Sutra’s Treasures of the Sea pampers her. She’ll let that stress melt into the sea blue bath and be feeling better in short order.
Some of the young bucks among us are now asking “What does this have to do with me getting laid?” Settle down and read on, boys, you may learn something.
Next on the holiday list to kill off some stress is a great massage. Our spies report that nothing on earth is better for relieving stress than a good massage where it counts. Is your partner on her feet all day? A good foot massage is a perfect way to show her you appreciate her. Does she have a high stress office job that keeps her under pressure? Neck and shoulder massages, coupled with a good back massage can release all of that stress if you take your time and do it right. Get a good massage oil and give her the attention she needs (and most likely really wants if you aren’t doing this already).
You can add to all of the relaxation with some aromatics as well. A good candle is an excellent choice to accompany the hot bath. The Ocean breeze scented candle would match nicely with the Treasures of the Sea. It’s all about the moment, boys. If she can relax and enjoy the moment, stress will flow right out of her and you’ll be Mr. Hero in that moment. Want some real fun? Get a candle that produces massage oil like the 3 in 1 Yule Love It, which is a perfect choice for the holidays!
Everything you can do to relieve and reduce stress is one more point scored against boring sex. Where were we on the list? Right, moods and hurrying are left. Here’s the thing, sometimes everyone involved wants a quickie, and there’s nothing wrong with that. No better way to start the day than with a nice orgasm all around.
But quickies are just that, a quick moment of pleasure. If you want the mind bending, knee rattling orgasm, you’re going to need time and the right mood. Lucky for us, Sarah has done an extensive post on how to fight both of these enemies. Now the smart among us are thinking “This sounds like an awful lot of work, and it isn’t what I would’ve thought, so it must be right!” The idiots will buy a random sex toy and say “Hey honey, let’s get down for Christmas.”
Boys, invest in the gifts above this holiday season and you’ll win. Trust me. Focus on her, relieve stress, show some serious affection and the boring sex won’t even try to make an appearance again before Valentine’s Day, which is another great opportunity to shower her with more happiness.
Good luck, man up, and get shopping.
