Good Costume

Last year we covered the basics of a Halloween party, and we can summarize it this way: Don’t throw a party that sucks!  Sucking is generally good, but when it comes to parties, sucking is really bad.  A party that sucks pisses off friends and relatives, makes your home a place of bad memories, and will usually kill a partner’s sex drive.  So let’s review the basics:

1. Have plenty of social lubricants on hand.  Beer and spirits (not of the otherworldly variety) can prevent a lamestorm.

2. Get a good costume; lame costumes just look stupid and may prevent after-party fun.

3.  Get fun games that everyone will enjoy!

So have fun this Halloween with a great party and maybe a little fun afterward.  The Sextoys Partyology Department wishes you a happy Halloween, and party on!

Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard it already. “I don’t do phone sex because I can get the real thing.” Really? You are 100% accurate when you target the new little hottie, or for women, that new hot stud at the nightclub. Sorry, I’m not buying it. Nobody is that good.

In fact, I checked with the statisticians at our Sextoys Partyology Department, and they confirm that chances of bagging that target (assuming she or he has had less than 7.25 beers) are 48.762%* on a Saturday, and shrivel to less than half of that on a Sunday.

You’re not going to get lucky every time, and you want to be properly accessorized with the right vibrator or masturbator when you come home, pick up the phone and head off to fantasy land.  These accessories will vary based on personal taste.  But we thought we’d give a couple of suggestions to get your creative juices – among others – flowing.

A little buzz for the buzz of conversation

So ladies, contemplate having this vibrator waiting for you.  The Onye Fleur – Pink:

B3 Onye Fleur is a celebration of Beauty and Sensuality, lovingly formed to enhance your pleasure. Crafted of virgin plastics, it is hygienic and non-porous for easy cleaning.

The softly textured, non-slip grip allows you to focus on the welcome waves of vibration radiating from the delicately-contoured, cylindrical body. Compact and discreet for travel, Onye Fleur is Waterproof and features three blissful speeds of vibration (from gentle to very intense) and has the most power in its size class.

Like all Big Teaze Toys products, Onye Fleur contains no latex, phthalates, lead or heavy metals.

Onye Fleur measures 4 inches in length and 1 inch in diameter. Requires three AAA batteries (not included).

Onye Fleur for Truly Affordable Luxury!

A deep throat for more than conversation

And guys, you’re going to want a masturbator for the experience, trust me.  This one should do the trick, The Tenga Deep Throat Cup:

Hard: The Hard cup provides a deep and intense suction combined with a hard tightening action.

Standard: The “Deep Throat” cup of the Tenga masturbation cup series lets you experience a deep sucking sensation…Special valves create a virtual vacuum inside the cup, to deliver an amazing sucking sensation. The top air vent can be left open or closed, with fingertip, depending on your suction preferences. The unique pinched-in shape of the cup helps to achieve an unparalleled tightness. These advanced features combine with an arousing slurping” sound and vibration give you the feeling that you’re enjoying a real deep throat experience.

Soft: The Soft cup has a softer, gentler grip for a more relaxing experience.

Ultra Size: The “ultrasize” and “super vacuum” (U.S.) edition cups are 20% larger and are designed for the more endowed.

Now hold the phone! You can’t just go dialing willy nilly through the phone book.  I’d be willing to bet that the vast majority of the people in it don’t want to have sex with you, not at that hour at the very least.  You need a set up strategy to get things going.

Guys, if you buy any sex toy from Sextoys.com, you can get a PIN number for 15 FREE minutes of phone sex at:

1-800-927-MOVIE

And ladies, go ahead and get the toy of your choice, but you call for free every time at 1-800-338-LIVE!

Oh, and for those of you wanting the complete experience, buy a DVD for extra fun.

*Unscientific results from the Sextoys Partyology Department based on drinking a whole lot of alcohol, buying a whole lot of alcohol for others and trying to get laid (Y variable is “hottie” or “hot stud” which mutates after 8.57 beers).

If you’ve been outside lately, you realize that it’s August.  And that means that it’s also hot.  Follow us here.  When it’s hot, you get sweaty (and possibly a little smelly too). Sweaty and smelly – except in certain positions, and well after the act has started – are not sexy.

That’s why the Sextoys Partyology Department is springing into action!  We don’t want summer heatwaves and sweaty, smelly people coming between humanity and intense sexual pleasure.  Our job is to keep the fun and orgasms coming, and we aren’t lying down on the job, uh, at least not in the office anyway.

Our research indicates that there is a solution to a long hot day of work and errands, and as always, with us the conclusion of such research is to party.  This time, we’ve discovered the party for two.  And it starts in the tub!

The Party Starts Now

Research has conclusively proven that the heat in the tub won’t be wrecking your nerves, it’ll be soothing your body.  We like to call it a “break out the bubbly” moment, as in a warm, cozy bubble bath.  Our Somewhat Mad Scientist claims that 2 people + 1 Warm Bath + 1 Bottle of Bubble Bath – 1 schedule = Serious Beginning to Sexual Escapades.  We never argue with the Somewhat Mad Scientist.

Research also indicates that if a spontaneous massage breaks out during the course of the bath, chances of knocking boots go up by 84.3% (unless someone forgot an anniversary present, or something equally stupid).  Add a little lip-lock to the massage and you have to practically be swallowed by a black hole not to get laid.

This is the good news.  We have, in fact, through serious research involving the Somewhat Mad Scientist and 2 friends, conclusively solved the “hot summer sex dilemma.”  The bad news is that we’re still pondering the “cold winter frosty toes kills the hard on dilemma.”  Get back to us on that one.

Anyway, into the tub with ya! You need to freshen up and get that massage going.  Enjoy, and remember, the Sextoys Partyology Department is here to serve, whenever you need us.

Use one of these and call us in the morning

Good morning and welcome to Monday, March 15, 2010 from the Sextoys Partyology Department. Today is significant for two reasons.  First, some of you were an hour late to work this morning because you forgot to move your clock forward an hour yesterday.  The cure for this is to go home tonight, use one of these with your favorite adult playmate and you’ll feel much better.

Second, we’re only two days away from a great holiday which has transformed into a reason to drink copious amounts of beer!  That’s right, Thursday will be a recovery day for many St. Patrick’s day revelers.  Others will have a few beers and enjoy the company of friends.  Whichever path you choose – good luck!

Woot!

We love St. Patrick’s Day around here.  Unfortunately, we don’t sell beer, but we can help you to keep things green with your sex toy collection.  The easiest way to do it is to convert your vibrator collection into a rechargeable collection.  You eliminate battery disposal, get a product that will last longer and you’ll enjoy your sex with a clear conscience!

Don’t know where to start?

You should probably have a look at the rechargeable vibrators we have to offer for starters. But we have some favorites, and among them is this gem of a sex toy.

The Wanachi Rechargeable Massager:

Rechargeable buzz

“Enjoy soothing vibrations anywhere you go with this cordless rechargeable massager. Powered by a whisper quiet motor and rechargeable battery, the Wanachi Massager is the premiere choice for revitalizing tired muscles.

Choose between 2 levels of soothing vibrations and enjoy the freedom of wireless stimulation. Plug in the AC adaptor for a quick recharge and the Wanachi is ready for portable action. The relaxing vibrations relieve tension and reduce muscle fatigue, giving your aching body the recharge it deserves.

Vibrating head measures 2.5 x 2.5 inches.”

So beer or not, you can get into the spirit of the holiday by keeping it green!  Get your rechargeable sex toys and make the world a cleaner, much, much happier place.  This concludes this service announcement from the Sextoys Partyology Department.

Only three weeks stand between you and another New Year.  And we at the Sextoys.com Partyology Department know what that means.  Another January 1st with a bad headache, a realization that at least half of your resolutions were broken before you got in the cab to go home, a dry mouth and a sincere desire to remember what happened between 2 and 5 AM.  We’re here to tell you that this year it can be different.

Time to get ready for the New Year

If you’re willing to put the time, effort and thought into a different sort of New Year, we’re willing to give you the tools!  It all starts with the party.  Sure, go have a toast with your friends.  Enjoy the company and wish everyone well.  But before you go, sit down with your partner and make a list of sexual resolutions.  We’re pretty sure that when midnight rolls around, you and your partner will have plenty of reasons to get home as soon as possible.

Here’s a helpful list of suggestions:

Resolution 1: We will start our sexual New Year as soon as possible! 1 AM sounds about right.  We’ll have to get home fast to make it!

Resolution 2: We’re going to try new things this year together.  Oh, we think you have a good idea of new things you want to try.  Sit down and do a bargaining session (I’ll let you use that Strap On if you promise to try the deep throat mints and give it a go!). Ya might want to do this bargaining a little before (like now), since it’s hard to find strap ons and deep throat mints at 1AM on January 1st.

Resolution 3: I’m going to find a different stimulus to get an orgasm.  Oh dear, this could take some time and experimenting.  On the other hand, WOO HOO, it’s going to take time and experimenting!  Heck, let’s make our entire body a playground.  Let’s try some anal play, nipple stimulation, different massages and anything else we can think to tinker with!

Resolution 4: I’m going to turn my play time into something really fun.  Try some games together, maybe fun sex dice, or strip poker, or, well, use your imagination!  You’ll figure out ways to laugh and make love in a whole new way!

Resolution 5: We are going to do this more often.  Do we need to explain this one?

Make your own resolutions and stick to them.  And always remember that the Sextoys.com Partyology Department is here to help you stay on track to a great sex life!