We’re curious, and wanted some female input.  If you had to pick a favorite adult play time activity, what would you choose?  Would it be good, old fashioned sex (with a partner of either sex), straight up oral sex, masturbation, or something we haven’t listed?

We know that many of our readers love them some dildos, but do dildos beat out a fellow human?  We’re just curious, and we’re not cats.

Drop us a comment and let us know what, or whom, you prefer!  Oh, and if you prefer dildos, allow us to assist you with our unique dating service

If you’ve read our blog for a while,  you know that we’re big fans of masturbation and orgasms.  Both are healthy and normal activities for human beings.  Our website offers sex toys, like the Monkey Spanker, that help people to enjoy both.  We also get excited when we find research that supports the health benefits (and in this case, reproductive benefits) of masturbation.

The Monkey Spanker

Scientific American’s Jesse Bering has a great post on why humans are so good at masturbating (Hat Tip to the Reverend Monkeyspank), and why, contrary to what you may believe, masturbation is a healthy part of the reproductive cycle.  Wait!  Masturbation helps men to be more effective in reproduction?

You betcha! Here’s Bering’s documentation:

“When it comes to sex, we put this capacity to very good—or at least, very frequent—use. In a now-classic, pre-Internet-porn (I’ll get to that later on) study  by British evolutionary biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis, male university students were found to masturbate to ejaculation about every 72 hours, and “on the majority of occasions, their last masturbation is within 48 hours of their next in-pair copulation.” If they’re not having intercourse every day, that is to say, men tend to pleasure themselves to completion no more than two days prior to having actual sex.

Baker and Bellis’s quite logical argument for this seemingly counterintuitive state of affairs (after all, shouldn’t men try to stock up as much sperm as possible in their testes rather than spill their seeds so wastefully in a rather infertile swath of toilet paper or a dirty sock?) is that because there is a “shelf-life” for sperm cells – they remain viable for only 5-7 days after production – and because adult human males manufacture a whopping 3 million sperm per day, masturbation is an evolved strategy for shedding old sperm while making room for new, fitter sperm. It’s quality over quantity.“

I won’t recite the entire article here – you really should read it – but I will say that Bering’s research is thorough and entertaining.  Monkeys don’t spank it very often, you know. It turns out that humans have an edge (no pun intended) when it comes to masturbating.  What is it?  Imagine all the possibilities.

So those women who are looking for a new addition to the family, maybe it’s time to let your partner do his thing.  We can provide him a huge supply of sex toys for men to help him along his way.

Flexi Felix Anal Toy

A common question that relates to adult play asks whether or not anal stimulation can lead to orgasm.  We’ve covered all kinds of orgasms in this blog, from what seem to be random orgasms, to Extended Massive Orgasm.  And as regular readers know, different people will experience stimulation in many different ways.  Orgasms can occur because of a variety of stimulations.

But can you achieve an anal orgasm because of anal stimulation.  Our answer?  Sure, why couldn’t you have an orgasm because of anal stimulation?

As we covered in our discussion of analingus, not all anal stimulation is safe, so you have to be careful when you engage in anal play or anal sex.  But most anal stimulation is perfectly safe, provided you take the proper precautions for you and your partner.  Let’s go over a few points to keep things fun.

Anal Sex – Basic Steps for Fun and Safety

First, everyone has to relax.  Your first anal experience should be an easy, comfortable time.  Going straight from never having had anal sex to full blown penetration could turn into a painful lesson in patience.  Taking a few steps one by one is a good plan for your first time.  Relaxing could be as simple as a good massage, lots of foreplay and even a tasty adult beverage before you get started.  Once everyone is “in the groove,” you can proceed to experimenting.

Next, have a good supply of lubricant on hand.  The anus provides no natural lubrication, so you need to use as much lube as it takes to make things comfortable (that amount will vary from one person to the next).  If you are using latex gloves or condoms, make sure that you ONLY use a water-based lubricant.  If you use oil or silicone based lube on latex, you’ll be in for a melting, gooey surprise.

Why would latex gloves be involved?  Easy, you might want to get your partner used to anal stimulation gently.  Using a single finger for gentle penetration allows your partner to get used to the sensation.  Another option is to get an anal beginner’s kit that has graduated anal plugs so that you can take your time and go easy.

Juli Ashton Anal Beginner Kit

One other important idea: Masturbating your partner, or having your partner masturbate as you experiment with these sensations allows your partner to create an association between anal sex and orgasm.  This can lead to even more intense orgasms as the anal stimulation becomes more familiar.

Those are the standard rules for getting started.  Now we’ll break things up a little for women and men.  The approaches can be different for either sex, so we’ll separate them to make it simple.

Anal Sex Ideas for Women

Four Seasons Condoms

Once you’ve taken the time to become accustomed to anal stimulation, you’ll probably want to branch into anal sex. Most people automatically assume that this means hit the hands and knees and go straight to doggie style anal sex.  Often, that’s the worst way to get started.  Women might want to start anal sex in a classic “Cowgirl” position, where the woman is on top and in control of the penetration.

Missionary is also another great option for anal sex.  It limits the depth of penetration, and it’s definitely more intimate than doggie style as you and your partner try a whole new experience.  Again, during anal sex it is perfectly fine to masturbate, and some people swear by Bullets to achieve intense, body shaking orgasms.

You may find that you don’t need a bullet or masturbation.  It is quite possible to have an orgasm with only anal stimulation alone.  There are no rules, other than to be safe and have fun.

And if things get uncomfortable, just stop and come back to it another time!

Anal Sex Ideas for Men

Your new best friend Bob

You’re too macho for back door play, eh?  All that tells us is that you haven’t had a prostate massage induced orgasm.  Have one of those and get back to us on the macho stuff (we suspect you’ll be asking our experts which prostate massager is right for you).  Anal stimulation is great for women, but some men just can’t get enough either.

Some gay and bisexual men enjoy anal play together, but you don’t have to be gay or bisexual to enjoy anal stimulation.  The growing number of men buying strap ons tells us that straight men have caught on to the joys of anal sex too.  Now, here’s where we find a common bickering point.  Is there a difference between an anal orgasm and a prostate orgasm?  Do you really care?  We don’t.

If something is safe and makes you come, it doesn’t really matter what caused it scientifically.  Guys, you differ from women slightly.  The prostate is just inside your anus, right above your perineum (the area between your scrotum and anus).  It pays to be careful around the prostate.  If you’re going to have your partner use fingers for warm up, watch out for fingernails!  And remember that the prostate is sensitive.

Prostate massagers can give you a knee buckling, drooling and mind numbing orgasm like you’ve never experienced.  If your partner learns how to manipulate one to please you, be careful.  She’ll have the power to make you her love slave.  The rules on prostate massage are pretty simple.  If you have prostate issues, don’t do it.  Otherwise, you’ll want gentle, steady strokes on your prostate until you come.  It takes varying times, but if you’re patient, you’ll get the big prize.

Take a break from being the big doggie and give her some fun too

Same as with anal sex, you can masturbate during anal stimulation to get the best of both worlds.  In fact, you can folow the same rules as a woman.  Heck, give her a strap on, lube up, grab a masturbator and get completely freaky.  You can use your imagination to have a ball.  Plus, she might like a break from the mundane and an opportunity to play the role of Big Doggie!

Enjoy it, and if it gets uncomfortable, stop and come back to it later.

So we know anal orgasm is possible.  We know anal sex can be perfectly safe.  We know that many people enjoy it all the time.  All that’s left is for you to get busy enjoying it!

This is a G Spot sex toy

So the debate rages on about whether or not the G Spot exists.  From our standpoint, while the empirical data may be less than overwhelming, the number of G Spot sex toys that are manufactured and sold make a solid practical argument that someone is getting stimulation from the area Dr. Grafenberg first discussed. But once in a while, it’s good to look at recent discussions on the subject, especially if you want to experiment with this popular form of stimulation.

A recent article contained this sentence as its thesis: “Unlike men, women can orgasm in many different ways.”  It then went on to list different anatomical features like, clitoris, vagina and G Spot.  People who have read our work know that the article was then tossed aside.  The reason?  The clitoris and G Spot (such as it is considered to exist) are parts of the vagina!  Why go through all of the complex possible permutations when one fact stands out?  That fact is that each person finds a specific stimulation satisfying and can achieve orgasm through it.

Of all of the big mistakes a person can make, over-complicating sexual sensations is one of the biggest that can damage adult play time fun.

WebMD has a great section on this subject, which we think summarizes the argument over the G Spot very well:

“Prosterman and others point out the importance of thinking of the G-spot in context — that it may be an extension of the clitoral anatomy, which extends back into the vaginal canal. Kerner writes that the G-spot may be ‘nothing more than the roots of the clitoris crisscrossing the urethral sponge.’

Helen O’Connell, MD, head of the neurourology and continence unit at the Royal Melbourne Hospital Department of Urology in Australia, says, ‘The G-spot has a lot in common with Freud’s idea of vaginal orgasms. It is a sexual concept, this time anatomical, that results in confusion and has resulted in the misconception that female sexuality is extremely complex.’”

The article also contains this:

A G Spot sex toy for couples

“In the end, whether this debated locus of pleasure is fact or fiction may not matter that much. O’Connell, who is also co-author of a 2005 Journal of Urology study on the anatomy of the clitoris, says that focusing on the G-spot to the exclusion of the rest of a woman’s body is ‘a bit like stimulating a guy’s testicles without touching the penis and expecting an orgasm to occur just because love is present.’ She says focusing on the inside of the vagina to the exclusion of the clitoris is ‘unlikely to bring about orgasm. It is best to think of the clitoris, urethra, and vagina as one unit because they are intimately related.’”

Ok, so what is the G Spot and where is it?  The G Spot is an area which many women claim, if stimulated properly, can lead to intense orgasm.  What it is, we aren’t qualified to say, though the base of the clitoris sounds like a good guess, since the clitoris can have a shaft of one to three inches and the G Spot is generally agreed to be located two to three inches inside the vagina on the upper wall.

Do you have a G Spot?  That’s the question that you must answer.  Experimenting with sensations is a great way to see whether or not this area adds something more to your orgasm experience.  As we mentioned before, there are many quality G Spot sex toys designed to create that type of stimulation.

Let’s say for the sake of discussion that someone scientifically proves that the G Spot is a myth.  If you achieve intense orgasms by stimulating the area one to three inches inside on the vagina’s upper wall, does it matter?  Learning what works for you is an art, not a science.

So enjoy your next orgasm, wherever you find it.  And don’t be afraid to experiment.  Why should you be, it isn’t exactly a science!

In the meantime

Yes, you read the title correctly.  It seems that researchers have found a way to eliminate the need for condoms and the results could be a paradigm shift in women’s sexual health.  What if women could protect themselves in a simple way without needing a partner’s (consentual or otherwise) permission?  In some places, that sounds like a stupid statement.  In others, it’s a matter of life and death.

From Newsweek:

“A new, more-promising iteration of the long-heralded HIV-blocking vaginal gel may one day become a reality, according to a study published online yesterday in the journal Advanced Functional Materials. But as the dream product crawls towards the marketplace, scientists worry that the biggest challenge—getting women to actually use it, or any gel like it—still lies ahead.

Unlike previous versions of microbicide, the latest gel functions more like an actual condom. It’s applied via applicator in the hour or so before sex and turns semisolid in the presence of semen, physically blocking HIV (and theoretically, other viruses and semen, too) from moving through the vagina in the first place. (The gel dissolves after sex.) “It’s the first microbicide of its kind,” says Patrick Kiser, a bioengineer at the University of Utah and the study’s lead author. “It prevents the virus from even touching the vaginal tissue.” The novel polymer concoction could see its first clinical trial in three years and if all goes well, be available for widespread use a few years after that.

The need for HIV-prevention methods that women can control is undeniably urgent. Women account for half of all HIV infections globally; in sub-Saharan Africa, where the disease is most prevalent, they make up 60 percent of cases. The reason is simple: women in the region lack the power to compel their sexual partners to wear condoms. For a decade now, scientists have been working to develop an HIV-blocking vaginal gel, a microbicide often called a molecular condom. This form of protection could be employed without the consent of a partner and has long been seen as the best hope for empowering women to protect themselves.”

In the meantime, we strongly suggest the use of a condom for protection.