It’s possible to have a fulfilling sex life, well beyond ages many people would guess.  The secret seems to lie in maintaining a healthy attitude.  Several journals have published articles on aging and sexuality, and most note that maintaining physical health, keeping active and having a positive attitude about one’s sexuality.  Of course, that isn’t easy.

As Discover Online points out, pressure and anxiety can cause problems:

“In reality—as anyone in a relationship knows—desire and satisfaction are moving targets, adjusting to shifting circumstances.

Today perhaps the most consistent attitude toward perfect sex is anxiety about why we are not getting it. “We are susceptible to being convinced that whatever sex is going on in our lives is just not good enough,” says Julia Heiman, director of the Kinsey Institute and a professor of psychology at Indiana University. Marketing that preys on our feelings of insecurity is an old business, she notes, but pharmaceutical research is changing the nature of that business. “Suddenly medicine—which we’ve always taken to do something for a problem—is getting involved in pure enhancement, which is more like cosmetics,” Heiman says.”

So that positive attitude will require readjusting our ideas about what we, and our partners, expect.  Obviously, you won’t find many 80 year old supermodels or bodybuilders.  But that’s just the point.  Maintaining healthy expectations and viewing ourselves in a relevant context can lead to perfectly satisfying sex.  All we have to do is focus on the positive, and the fun will take care of itself.

And as we’ve mentioned before, a little spice can always make things more fun.  Check out our sex toys for couples to see what you can add to your next play time.

That’s a headline I didn’t expect to write on a Wednesday morning.  But researchers at the University of Windsor are looking for used condoms to complete a study.  From the full article at The Windsor Star:

Durex Performax

“Lab tests conducted by manufacturers suggest condoms are durable and efficient at preventing diseases and pregnancies, but local researchers want to gauge the effects of real life “bedroom stresses” on the effectiveness of rubbers.

‘This is a serious public health issue,’ said sociology professor Eleanor Maticka-Tyndale, Canada research chair in social justice and sexual health. ‘We suspect the actual failure rate may be much higher than in lab situations.’”

Of course, we always suggest using a condom for safe sex.  And we hope that this study will help to make them even safer.  It makes sense to see how a condom actually performs under real life stresses.  This should aid the manufacturers in making the safest products possible.

Dual Pussy and Ass Stroker

We’ve already discussed how masturbation is healthy and normal.  Nine out of ten people claim to do it, and it helps to complete a normal sex life.  But what if you’re in a relationship?  Is masturbation normal then? 

According to Dr. Gail Saltz, it is.  Responding to a question about a jealous girlfriend being angry at a boyfriend for masturbating, Dr. Saltz gave this advice:

“When people masturbate, they often are having a fantasy, and she may be jealous of whatever she imagines you are thinking, fearing it is not her. It could be true you are not thinking of her, which would be perfectly normal.

Sometimes people feel threatened by masturbation, interpreting it as a lack of desire for them. It seems to them that you would rather get off yourself, with your own thoughts, which is often very much not the case.

There is nothing wrong with having an active, healthy sex life and also with masturbating — and fantasizing while masturbating. Your girlfriend sounds unreasonably insecure. I question why.”

We’ve seen, over and over again, professionals who say that fantasy is a normal, healthy part of a person’s sexuality.  Just like we crave varieties in other things, our minds crave variety in sexual fantasy.  Take the time and read up, and you’ll discover that a powerful imagination actually improves a relationship, as long as you keep it healthy and safe.

Masturbation is a part of a healthy sex life, in a relationship or alone.

We talk a lot about the dangers of phthalates on the site, but haven’t ever taken the time to talk about them in depth. Before I started working in this industry four years ago, I’d never heard of them. While there is a lot of talk about them in baby toys and water bottles now, it’s really important to discuss their use in sex toys. Plus, if we’re going to continue to praise toys for being phthalate-free, I should take the time explain why we think you should be wary of them.

Phthalates, as explained to me in layman’s terms, are used to soften plastic which makes it more flexible. They have found in many every day items like pet toys, shower curtains and make-up. In the sex toy industry, they have been commonly used in jelly and rubber toys. Because they are not chemically bound to the plastics they’re added to, phthalates are continuously released from any product that contains them. If you’ve ever opened a jelly dong and noticed a gross plastic smell and greasy film, you’ve experienced a toy leaking phthalates.

While there hasn’t been time for long-term conclusive studies to prove the danger of phthalates, preliminary studies have linked them to probable human carcinogens other negative health affects. California State Law banned phthalates in children’s toys in 2007 and in 2008,a new law was passed by the US Government to strengthen the Consumer Product Safety Commission. It banned three specific phthalates and placed a temporary ban on others due to concern about their safety in children’s toys.

There are a number of great companies that are dedicated to making phthalate-free toys, but the industry is swamped with products that that contain these controversial chemicals. Working in the industry, I’ve noticed a definite trend towards safer materials, but it’s still important for consumers to be aware of what their toys are crafted from. I don’t know about you, but if there’s a lot of noise about the dangers of drinking from my plastic water bottle because it contains phthalates, I am definitely going to think twice before putting a dildo leaking these chemicals inside of me!

Phthalate Free Sex Toy

Of course, the best way to avoid them is to seek out toys that are made from phthalate-free materials like silicone, glass or aluminum. While these toys are a typically a little more expensive, they are almost always nicer products that will last longer and are better for your health.

If you’re really attached to a toy that has phthalates, you can always cover it with a condom in order to make it safer. To be honest, this is a good idea regardless because jelly toys are porous and can’t be sterilized. You should also make sure to wash it before and after using with anti-bacterial soap.

As more research is done, we’ll know more about phthalates and their effects on our health. In the meantime, I suggest seeking out products that are quality, phthalate-free sex toys.

But if you do, you should know that sex could help you live longer according to the Sydney Morning Herald.  That’s a great reason to have more play time.  I’ll add it to my list.

Not a good place to start

So you’re ready to try out some anal play, and you’re wondering if it is safe.  The answer to that question is yes, and no.  If that sounds confusing, it’s only because many people don’t know the facts about anal play, and not knowing the facts can lead to a painful experience, or worse.  Knowing a few simple facts can lead to a fun experience.

Why would someone want to try anal play?  That’s the simple part.  Anal play stimulates all kinds of nerve endings that can lead to amazing sensations and enjoyment.  And anal play can be a great new sensation to spice up a sexual repertoire.

One of the first facts to consider when thinking about anal play is that it shouldn’t hurt.  If you are new to all things anal, you don’t want to start with the Humungous Butt Plug we show here.  If you do, your anal play experience will last about 3 seconds and you probably won’t want to try it again. 

It takes practice to relax and learn to enjoy the experience, without the tension caused by worries about pain.  Starting small with a finger and lots of lube, remember that the anus provides no natural lubricant, and experiment with the sensations.  We offer a kit for exactly this kind of experimenting.  If you take it slow and easy, anal sex should be painless and fun.

If you’re going to engage in anal sex, a condom is always recommended.  The tissue in the anus can sustain micro tears and lead to an unsafe exchange of body fluids.  Also remember not to use an oil based lubricant with condoms, since it can break down the latex and lead to condom failure.

As for anilingus, it is not safe.  The fact is, bacteria in the digestive tract can lead to infections being transmitted.  If you are going to experiment with it anyway, we strongly suggest that you use a dental dam to improve your chances of not contracting an infection.

Finally, after experimenting and deciding what your comfort level is, if you don’t like the sensations, don’t engage in anal play.  There is no set rule for whether or not you should like it.  If you don’t, move on and find a new sensation to try.  Why bother with something you don’t enjoy.

If you do like the sensations, we have good news for you.  Anal Sex Toys are readily available and come in hundreds of different designs.  You’re almost certain to find one that works for you.

Trojan Brand Condoms is holding a contest to find college journalists who have sex covered.  This is a great opportunity for students across the country.  From Trojan:

“The makers of Trojan® brand condoms and the National Sexuality Resource Center (NSRC) are now accepting entries for the second annual Trojan Evolve Student Journalism Award. The award recognizes college journalists who demonstrate outstanding sexual health reporting in their college print, radio, television or online media outlet, including journalistic blogs, and will be judged by a prestigious panel of experts, including former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders and GOOD Magazine Editor-in-Chief Zach Frechette.

Trojan Supra

A part of the ongoing national Trojan Evolve campaign, the Trojan Evolve Student Journalism Award is founded in the belief that an open and honest dialogue about sexual health, especially among young people, is essential to improving the poor state of sexual health in America. With one in four young women contracting an STI by age 19[1] and nearly 34 percent of teen girls pregnant at least once before age 20[2], it is clear that a deeper discussion on sexual health is urgently needed. The makers of Trojan brand condoms believe student journalists are uniquely positioned to play a vital role in advancing a sexual health dialogue essential to improving sexual health in this country. “We must evolve the poor sexual health of our nation,” said James Daniels, Vice President of Marketing, Trojan brand condoms. “With this award we hope to empower student journalists to use their influence as a way to raise awareness, and inspire change.”

College students across the U.S. can submit articles relating to sexual health issues, statistics, products, policy, or opinions by emailing them to trojanjournalismaward@edelman.com. The winner will be determined by a panel of judges consisting of sexual health experts and journalism professionals. One grand prize recipient will be awarded with a $2,000 cash prize and trip for two to San Francisco, where they will be honored at the 2009 NSRC Champions of Sexual Literacy annual event. The winning entry will also be published on the trojancondoms.com web site.

The NSRC believes supporting college journalists strengthens ‘sexual literacy’ as an expanded view of sexual health and invites positive conversations based on facts instead of hype. “At a time when sexual health misinformation and polarization are all too common, it is essential to shepherd in an honest, two-way dialogue,” said NSRC’s Executive Director Gil Herdt. “By recognizing outstanding pieces of journalism, this award encourages college journalists to start talking openly about sexual health from their own perspective, and gets students involved with improving the state of sexual health in this country.”

For a complete list of rules and regulations, students can log onto www.trojancondoms.com.”

Of course, we’re big proponents of safe sex.  And condoms are a way to enjoy safe, healthy sex with your partner.

For a lot of women, the clit is where it’s at, and the folks over at Cal Exotic must have been well aware of that when they created the Scoop Lover!  This  ergonomically designed vibe is designed to buzz your magic button with minimal effort.

This multi-speed plastic vibe is controlled by a the dial knob that is located on it’s base and runs on 2 AAA batteries.   Plastic is a phthalate material and is easy to care for and clean.  Unfortunately, it can’t be sterilized, but you can wipe it down with soap and water and keep it in good shape.

This clitoral massager is a great for solo play and an easy way to add some extra excitement to partnered play.  The scoop on the end (hence the name) is designed to cradle your clitoris for maximum stimulation!  For those of you who love long lingering showers, the Scoop Lover is waterproof.

While it’s not as discreet as a pocket rocket, this toy is small enough to stick in an overnight bag at just 7.5 inches long.

Whether you’re looking for a new clit vibe to add to your extensive toy collection or a newbie looking to experiment in the wonderful world of sex toys, the Scoop Lover is one to look at.

Check out the rest of this month’s Feature Products!

Nobody wants to head into the weekend on a really bad note, but the reality of erectile dysfunction (ED) can be a tune that ruins a sex life – if you try to ignore it.  Worse yet, trying to cover up ED can ruin a great sexual relationship.  And men everywhere are unaware that ED is one of the most common problems reported among men aged 40 -70.  52% of men in that age group will experience ED and report it. 

There are no reliable numbers for how many men don’t report it, and that group is suffering needlessly.

WebMD has a great quiz to test your knowledge of ED.  If you have difficulty with erection, you’ll want the information on that quiz.  Medical professionals have a variety of treatment options to deal with the problem, so your sex life isn’t over just because you’re having issues with getting erect.

It is vital for a man’s sexual health to get treatment for ED.

Hollow Vibrating Extension by Doc Johnson

However, the man with ED isn’t the only one who suffers.  Our sexual partners need release, and if we’re unable to perform, the relationship suffers.  On the bright side, there are many options other than intercourse to enjoy sexual fulfillment.  But let’s assume that intercourse is something important to you and your partner.  There is a solution for that as well. 

For instance, Doc Johnson produces the Hollow Vibrating Extension that can be used as a strap on.  This can be an excellent tool to tide a relationship over until other treatment options begin to work.  And there are a variety of other sex toys that can make a difference between frustration and happy sexual fulfillment. 

You don’t have to let ED ruin your weekend.  Get medical help to treat it, and use your imagination.  You’ll be happier and we’re almost certain your partner will too.

Sarah Wagner, MD, presents a stark warning in News-Medical:

“”Genital piercings can be particularly problematic, if the piercing is not done or cared for properly,” said Wagner. “The most common issues associated with genital piercings are infections, which can be life-threatening, if left untreated.”

Other problems that can arise from genital piercings include the transmission of viruses, such as hepatitis B or C. Additional complications include bleeding, redness, swelling, pain, scarring, disfigurement and tissue trauma. This type of piercing also can pose a problem during childbirth due to its proximity to the birth canal.”

Nipple and Clitoral Non Piercing Jewelry

We’re fans of safety here at Sextoys, so the article made us take a second look.  The same issues can occur in other forms of body modification if a person chooses the service of an unsanitary facility.  The difference here is that, unlike an earlobe, genital piercing can lead to the worst kinds of damage in areas that should be providing the most kinds of pleasure.  An infection or tissue damage on the clitoris is a horrible thought.

As you know, we’re not doctors and we don’t give medical advice.  But Dr. Wagner is, and we’ll pass hers along:

“Women who choose to pierce their genitals despite the risks should practice good hygiene and be up front with their health care providers about their hidden piercings.

‘Patients should alert their health care providers about genital piercings in the event that they have to undergo an emergency surgery or magnetic resonance tomography (MRI) procedure where the piercing would have to be removed for the safety of the patient,’ said Wagner. ‘Physicians also should familiarize themselves with genital piercings and the issues that can arise from this growing trend.’”

We’d also add that there are ways to create the appearance of body modification without invasive methods like piercing.  Non-piercing jewelry is readily available in our jewelry section.  Check it out and you may find a way around the threat of infection.  And please take note of Dr. Wagner’s advice. 

Remember what we often say: The most fun play is always the safest too.