Dr. Harry Fisch is a professor of clinical urology at the Columbia University Medical Center, and a man who claims he can help women to understand how men function sexually.  He says he’s been answering questions for years, and decided to answer them all at once in a book.  And he has the goods.  Here’s a quick idea about it from the complete article at CourierJournal.com:

“One advantage of getting the scoop on how men’s bodies work is that women don’t have to blame themselves for problems, such as infertility and sexual dysfunction, that might not be their fault”

Well, that’s a relief, though I wouldn’t expect someone to take the blame for my problems.  The article is interesting and worth a look.

Just when we think it’s safe to contemplate some romantic time with our partner’s, a researcher decides to shoot a different kind of arrow through our hearts.  Apparently, Valentine’s Day is rife with triggers for migraines.  From excitement, insomnia, chocolate, perfume and hunger, to sexual energy, the day of romance is a stew for a serious headache.  You can get the full article here.

Here’s hoping that all of you can avoid the brain pain tomorrow.  So get a good night’s sleep, eat well, go light on the perfume and colognes, and make sure you release all of that sexual energy.  Happy Valentine’s Day!

Women are closing gaps in many ways with men, but one gap remains – the orgasm gap.  So says a new study that compares men and women in differing degrees of relationships.  Men achieve orgasm at a rate of nearly 2 to 1 during intercourse.

More of What Women Want DVD

From the Daily Beast:

“In a study to be published later this year by W.W. Norton in the book Families as They Really Are, researchers found that college women have orgasms half as often as men on repeat hookups (meaning hooking up more than twice) and only a third of the time in first-time hookups. And they concluded that a lack of sexual reciprocity could be a key reason for this orgasm gap.”

We say this is an unnecessary evil, because with the amount of information available on sexual issues (even on a sex toy site), nobody should be ignorant of ways to improve his sexual performance.  But we realize that some of this could simply be lack of awareness on a cultural level.  Men need to be more aware of the give and take, not just the take.

Hopefully, we can achieve a level of education for men that can change these numbers.  It’s a long road, but it’s good to see some people taking the first steps along it.  It’ll be better for everyone when we can close the orgasm gap.

I can’t think of a better way to start this post other than to begin with the question that I’ve seen hundreds of times now.  “Does using an anal sex toy make me gay?”  Of course, it comes in many forms.  Does letting her use the strap-on make me gay?  Will a butt plug make me gay?  Or, the affirmative statements like, I’d like to try it with her, but I don’t want to be gay.

New Comers Strap On Kit

The only logical way to handle the questions is to keep the answer simple.  Toys don’t define a person’s sexuality.  They’re designed to stimulate parts of the body.  Whether or not a person is gay, straight or bisexual, is irrelevant when it comes to toys.  A toy will either stimulate or it won’t.  But it doesn’t offer any definitions.

As a friend put it, hugging a gay person won’t make you gay either.  The issue that I’d like to single out in this effort is the stigmas that are still applied to intimacy.  The questions I’ve read all come from a judgmental framework that is likely to ruin someone’s sex life, regardless of his sexuality.  If a man wants his wife or girlfriend to wear a strap-on [Note to those who may not have caught on to this yet: by definition, a man having sex with a woman is not engaged in homosexual intercourse.] and she wants to try it, it could lead to fun for both.  And how much fun do people miss by embracing the stigma?

Toys are meant to be fun.  As long as you’re playing safely, where you put them is irrelevant to your sexual identity, unless you make it relevant.  So grab a butt plug and some lube, give it a try and see what happens.  Don’t let tired old stigmas spoil your fun.

Spending Valentine’s Day alone?  It doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  One person has a great idea to revamp the previously partner’s only day.  She’s calling it “Have sex with yourself day.”  And she’s following through.

From Mom Logic:

Venus

“It’s already Tuesday and I don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day.

But I’m not worried. Rather than sitting on my butt all night and eating chocolate, I’ve had a master plan for more than a month:

I’m going to have sex with myself.

Sorry if that sounds crude. Maybe I should have said, “I’m going to make love with myself.” Yes, that does sound better, doesn’t it?

Being the planner that I am — every single woman needs a game plan before any holiday, right? — I ordered my “Orchid G” three weeks ago.”

Sounds like solid logic to me.  And I can point you to the G-spot vibes if you’d like to join the fun.

Dan, of Dan and Jennifer, has an orgasm I.Q. of 44.  What’s yours?  It’s time to find out with the Orgasm Quiz.  They also have a sex toy forum where you can ask questions, or share experience.  Check it out, it’s a good site.

The Health Guru points out that this is National Condom Awareness Week.  The idea launched at UC Berkeley and has grown around the nation.  As many of our readers know, we’re big fans of condoms.  We like the safety and security that they add to play time.  The Guru sums it up well. 

From the Full Article:

Trojan Magnum Warm Sensation

“National Condom Week began on the campus of UC Berkeley, and has quickly grown in stature, now including educational events on college campuses, in high schools, family planning organizations, and health awareness groups, such as AIDS and STD organizations. Pharmacies have even gotten in on the action (pardon the pun).

The purpose of National Condom Week, coincidentally climaxing on February 14th this year (again, pardon the pun), is to use humour to help educate young adults about the perils and pitfalls of unprotected sex. Although the message is sometimes humorous, what condoms prevent is not–AIDS, venereal diseases, and unwanted pregnancy, to name a few.”

While a good laugh is great to get a message across, we hope that everyone takes condoms seriously enough to add them to her or his sexual repertoire.  They’re life savers and add safety to toy play.

Happy National Condom Awareness Week.  We hope the celebration lasts year round! Find a wide selection of condoms here.

Or could it be?  Apparently, chocolate as an aphrodisiac is a myth, but it does have some interesting chemicals.  Gone are the days when a fudge bar could offer great sex, unless you consider the bigger picture.  From the Technician:

Nipplicious Chocolate

“Chocolate, another well known fire-starter, got its claim to aphrodisiac fame when the Aztecs drew a link between the sweet treat and sexual desire. Nowadays, according to the New York Times, scientists ascribe the aphrodisiac qualities of chocolate to two chemicals it contains. One, tryptophan, is a building block of serotonin, a brain chemical involved in sexual arousal. The other, phenylethylamine, a stimulant related to amphetamine, is released in the brain when people fall in love.

“I now know why guys buy girls chocolate for Valentine’s Day,” said Andrew Wandler, a freshman in political science.

Chocolate isn’t the only food with sexually arousing chemicals in it. Turkey is another famous carrier of tryptophan, but stories of wild and crazy post-Thanksgiving sexual escapades don’t seem to come up too often. Tomatoes, cheese, apples and almonds are full of phenylethylamine just like chocolate — did chili and trail mix just get a bit sexier?”

So buying some chocolate for your lover on Valentine’s day may pay dividends.  Or you could try the Nipplicious and see what happens!

Last week we discussed masturbation and health, pointing out that masturbating was a normal, healthy activity that most people enjoy regularly.  This week, an article is out that suggests orgasms may be tied to career success.  No kidding, you can find the full article at Response Source. 

Here’s a small excerpt:

““People are naturally attracted to energy. In fact, most power is achieved through sexual energy (think Nigella Lawson and Hilary Clinton). Powerful women have an “X” factor that goes beyond looks. Whilst men lose their energy through orgasm, women are empowered by them and gain clarity of thought. I work with lots of businesswomen who want to achieve more success in business and often, this is the primary stumbling block in their path”, says Dr Lisa.”

Not sure about the scientific rigor on this one, so if anyone out there wants to conduct research, please let us know how it goes.  And if you get a raise or promotion, we’d appreciate a hat tip.

When you feel the urge

An old joke quips that eight out of ten people claim to masturbate, two out of ten people lie about it.  According to WebMD, eight out of ten is a low number.  The medical website claims that ninety five percent of males claim to masturbate and eighty nine percent of females claim to masturbate.

Masturbation can be a necessity, if one doesn’t have a partner, or a partner is unwilling to be intimate.  But it can also be shared between partners, a treatment for dysfunction, or prescribed as therapy.  Let us be the first to say, duh, to the idea of masturbation as therapy.  It provides great sexual relief and releases hormones and chemicals that can go as far as elevating a person’s mood.

Masturbation is a normal human sexual behavior.  Some cultures attach a stigma to masturbation and some religions prohibit it.  But the fact remains that people masturbate, and the net effect on the body – when done in moderation – is not harmful.  On the contrary, it is healthy.

From the full article at WebMD:

“Some experts suggest that masturbation can actually improve sexual health and relationships. By exploring your own body through masturbation, you can determine what is erotically pleasing to you and can share this with your partner. Some partners use mutual masturbation to discover techniques for a more satisfying sexual relationship and to add to their mutual intimacy.”

That’s why we suggest experimenting with different physical sensations before even considering which sex toy to buy.  So our suggestion is to masturbate and learn about your body.  It’s normal, healthy and a great way to find new ideas that you’ll be able to add to your sexual repertoire.  And, most importantly, it’s fun.  Now it’s back to work before I get any ideas.