Here’s our contribution to this week’s giant “Duh” file.  Holidays can wreak havoc on our sex lives.  Why, you may ask, would a group of people getting ready to indulge in the industry’s coolest office holiday party (we aren’t kidding, our company throws a holiday shindig so cool that if people knew about it, they’d forget trying to crash State dinners at the White House and try to crash our holiday party), be thinking about how their sex lives could be affected?  Easy.  We know that the holiday party is the precursor to the Holiday rush, even for people who devote their time to the best sex toys for couples on earth.

After our party tonight, many of us will be rushing to prepare for family visitors, or to go visit the family.  There will be enough jet lag to keep the sleep medicine companies in business for a while.  Kids will be running amok around us. Grandparents will be pining for the old days. Dogs will take a giant whiz on the old Christmas tree. Uncle Joe will be forced to smoke outside after setting off the fire alarm in the bathroom. All manner of other problems will crop up, not least of which is cooking a dinner for our families and what will seem like several thousand of our closest friends.

To summarize, Après ce soir, le déluge.

For a private moment

And let’s be blunt, a house full of people – even for the most open minded among us – is just not conducive to knocking boots with verve. It’s a stressful time of the year in terms of sex, and if you’re among the lucky who have a healthy and active sexual lifestyle, it can be downright unnerving.  But there are ways to get around the problem, and still keep the old libido satisfied.

Let’s start with those of us flying solo for the holidays this year.  It could be that this isn’t the right time to bring your partner home to meet the family, or whatever other reason.  But you’re in that stage of your relationship where it’s sex, shower, sex, shower again, breakfast, go to work, sex, lunch, shower, go back to work, sex, dinner, sex, sex, sex, sex, shower, go to bed, repeat. It’s a little hard to hit the off button when you’re in that really cool groove.

And now you’re home with the family and you’re still feeling the urges.  We get it.  All of us have been in a similar situation at one time or another.  In fact, that’s why humans invented the shower.  It wasn’t for hygiene, it was to provide a place to wank when the rest of the clan showed up after the annual mammoth hunt.  So there you have it, wank in the shower.  Women can use a discreet vibrator like the White Nights Waterproof Pocket Rocket, and men can freestyle under the water jets with a good masturbator like the Classix Silicone Snatch.

Good for everyone involved

Granted, that’s nothing like the real thing, but as soon as we can figure out how to miniaturize your partner to hide in your overnight bag with a button to restore them to real size when you need them, we’ll be getting a patent and selling “Partner in a Bag” kits.  We already have the miniaturizing down, we’re just trying to get the poor guy back to full size and, boy, is he angry.

For the couples, especially those of you hosting family, you’re really going to have to work together to get through this without putting out the fires.  Guys, pitch in with half the work.  There’s a ton of cleaning to be done – even more if kids are involved – and the breakfasts, lunches and dinners don’t miraculously appear on the tables.  Do everything you can to help.  Ladies, take it easy a little.  Everything doesn’t have to be perfect.  And make sure both of you are showing each other appreciation for the teamwork.

And this would be a great time to go back to our Guy’s Holiday Buying Guide.  This time of year, if ever there was a perfect time, is the time of year to break out the stress fighters.  After everyone’s tucked in, and before you’re tuckered out, break out the massage oil and trade good massages.

And a little cuddling in a nice warm bed is a good way to spend some sensual time together without waking the house.  Of course it could lead to more, but don’t blame us if after the buildup, the moment is spoiled by a fire alarm set off by Uncle Joe trying to sneak a midnight smoke in the bathroom!

Keep your love life simple during the holidays and don’t expect the grand romps you’ve grown accustomed to during the rest of the year.  And if you’re a couple who has the house to themselves this year, you’re duty bound to pick up the slack for everyone dealing with an Uncle Joe.  Try out the Honeymoon Carry On Bag and have a blast!

Happy holidays and safe travels, and keep the fires burning for the New Year!

While talking about Toy Cleaners isn’t as nearly as fun or sexy as discussing the hottest dildos out there, it’s pretty important. It’s really important to take care of your toys for a couple of reasons. First, you want to get the most out of your investment – cleaning your toys is a big part of proper maintenance. Secondly, and most importantly, a dirty toy is one that spreads all sorts of germs and bacteria and that’s not good for anyone.

I love Pjur Lube, so when I saw that they made toy cleaning wipes I had to check them out. They’re really convenient and work really well, but since I’m trying to keep an eye out on my carbon footprint, I only use these for travel.  They’re a lot more convenient when you’re on the road, especially with the restrictions on liquids if you’re flying.  When I’m at home, I use a bottle of their Spray Cleaner.

For gentle, hygienic, personal cleaning Pjur Med Clean Spray Lotion and Moist Towelettes are safe for use on all skin types, sensitive or irritated.

And safe for application on alcohol sensitive materials such as latex, rubber and silicone. Simply apply directly onto the part of the skin or object to be cleaned and wipe. Available in a disinfecting spray and a sanitizing wipe. Pjur Med Clean hygiene aids work as a guard against the spread of infection and disease having an intensive antimicrobial effect against bacteria, fungal infections, and viruses such as Hepatitis B and HIV (*Pjur Med Clean has an anti-viral effect against lipophilic enveloped viruses).

Pjur Med Clean is intended for topical use exclusively and should not replace the use of condoms. Dermatologist tested. Neutral to taste and smell. Alcohol free.

Another product that I have used is Climax Bursts Toy Cleaner, and while I prefer Pjur, this is a good product that’s a little more affordable if you’re looking to save a few bucks. Honestly, the reason I like Pjur is because I think the spray bottle is more convenient, but there’s nothing wrong with this stuff. The gel formula also helps to make sure you don’t end with it every where!

Toy Cleaners are a great way to make sure you keep all of your favorite toys in great shape. I especially love them for vibrators, because I’m always nervous about electronics and water. With one of these convenient products, there’s no chance of water getting anywhere it shouldn’t be and ruining my buzz!

Be sure to check out all of the Toy Cleaners available on Sextoys.com.

Guys who have experienced an orgasm via prostate massage can tell you that a prostate massager could easily become a man’s best friend.  And women or men who know how to administer a prostate massage can easily overtake the prostate massager on that guy’s cool list.  But how do you really have fun with a prostate massage?  We have some tips to get you going.

This is the part where, being anal retentive about things, we remind you to go see a doctor and make sure your prostate is in good health before you try this.  An inflamed prostate receiving any pressure at all will definitely make your day a painful one.  Also, you don’t want to cause further injury if your prostate is not healthy.  Get a clean bill of health before you give it a go, especially if you are over 40 years old.

So we’ll start with a little information about the prostate.  From WebMD:

“The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis. The prostate is just in front of the rectum. The urethra runs through the center of the prostate, from the bladder to the penis, letting urine flow out of the body.

The prostate secretes fluid that nourishes and protects sperm. During ejaculation, the prostate squeezes this fluid into the urethra, and it’s expelled with sperm as semen.

The vasa deferentia (singular: vas deferens) bring sperm from the testes to the seminal vesicles. The seminal vesicles contribute fluid to semen during ejaculation.”

Aneros Helix

That’s the long way of saying that when you ejaculate, the prostate is intimately involved.  And, as a side note, frequent ejaculation might actually be good for your prostate.  That’s where a prostate massage can be an added treat.

Now, in some fetish play, prostate massage is used for creating ejaculation alone – or a “ruined orgasm.”  If you are into orgasm denial, that’s your ticket.  But, if like me, you kind of consider an orgasm a fun part of sex, then you might want to go for the prostate massage – masturbation combo.  Or you could even go for the mother of all orgasmic explosions with the prostate massage – perineum massage – oral sex package that will leave you as a collection of jumbled, happy nerve endings.

Here are your tips to get going.  First, start small.  Have your partner use her or his finger to gently massage the prostate.  Simple strokes along it are best for a smooth experience.  I strongly recommend a healthy dose of water based lubricant and a rubber glove for the first time.  And make sure all fingernails are neatly trimmed.  Let your partner massage your prostate while you masturbate.  This will get you comfortable with the stimulation.

Next, experiment with internal massage versus a massage of the perineum alone.  The perineum is a stretch of skin between the testicles and anus.  The perineum is directly below the prostate.  You can do a perineum massage first, if you like, but I always suggest internal first to get a feel for anal stimulation.  You may find that the perineum massage is a better way for you, but remember that the urethra runs along the perineum and some people find it uncomfortable to get that kind of massage.

After that, you might want to try out a prostate massager.  Many vibrate, some offer multiple massage points, but almost all of them function better than anything else for a great prostate massage.  Again, start small.  The last thing you want to do is start anal play with the largest sex toy you can find.

Next, always remember to pay close attention to your comfort level.  If something starts to feel uncomfortable, stop the massage.  This is important.  You can cause injury to yourself if you don’t pay close attention.

And finally, some of you have been waiting to hear how to get the best of all combos.  That’s something you and your partner will need to discover together.  Good luck and enjoy the journey!

In a previous post, we outlined the problem of Delayed Ejaculation.  Lately, a number of people have asked questions related to this problem.  I’ll take a moment to outline it again.  Delayed Ejaculation is the opposite of premature ejaculation.  Where a man who suffers from premature ejaculation will last seconds or minutes, delayed ejaculation can make a man almost, if not completely, incapable of having an orgasm during sex.

We’ll start with our primary warning on every sexual health issue.  If you have a problem with sexual dysfunction, always first seek the help of a licensed clinical professional to rule out medical, psychological or emotional issue that might be affecting your sexual health.  Sometimes, a doctor can identify an easily treatable problem, or a more serious condition that needs attention.  Relying solely on advice from the internet (even ours, though we take pride in providing good, well researched information) can be dangerous for your health and well being.  See a doctor first if you have any physical problems.

Use Lubricant

Once you’ve ruled out medical problems, you can move on to some simple tips that my help you solve this problem.

First, consider your masturbation habits.  Are you a tight-fisted jack rabbit style masturbator?  This can easily lead to delayed ejaculation.  By keeping a tight grip during masturbation, you actually create a situation where your penis is over-stimulated.  When you have sex with a partner, her or his body can’t replicate that sensation, whether with the mouth, the vagina or anus.

Solution: Try to moderate, or even stop masturbation for an extended period of time.  When you begin to masturbate again, use lubricant and a light touch while you masturbate.  This will allow your penis to become sensitive to the touch again, and take away the over-stimulation problem that makes it difficult to reach orgasm.

The first few times, don’t even focus on the orgasm.  Take a sexually appealing thought and focus on it.  Set aside a block of time and casually masturbate.  If you don’t achieve orgasm, don’t worry.  As you continue to practice, the sexual energy will build and you’ll get the desired result.

Speaking of sexually appealing thoughts, what do you think about when you’re engaging in sexual intercourse?  Is your mind on the big game, or tomorrow’s work schedule, or the need to rake the leaves?  If you think too much, you can absolutely ruin the moment when you’re having sex.

Solution: First, focus on your partner.  You want to have sex with her or him for a reason, right?  What is it that is lighting your candle?  Focus on that and that alone.  The leaves can get raked later.  Next, try extensive foreplay.  Touching, kissing, spanking – as an example of whatever turns you both on – for an extended period builds sexual energy.  On that note, you could even offer your partner an erotic massage.  Run your hands over all of that luscious real estate and enjoy the view and feel.  You’ll find your sexual tension builds more and even to the point where you can’t not be totally in the moment.  And a pleasant side effect is that if you are focusing on your partner’s pleasure, you’re absolutely certain to have a pleasurable experience, orgasm or no, and you’ll be really popular around the house for a few days.

And here’s one final thing to consider: Are you nervous, worried, or freaking out about your performance during sex?

Solution: Let it go, man.  Your partner, unless you’ve done something illegal, has chosen to enjoy sex with you.  That means your partner is as into you as vice versa.  Just focus on having a good time.  If you do that, your stud points will accumulate and you’ll be just fine.  Talk to your partner and spill the beans.  “Honey/dude, I’m really freaking out about my performance and I’m worried you aren’t into it.  Do you enjoy our sex?  Anything I can do to improve it?  I want to have a good time and not be worried that you aren’t.”  Lead with that in a casual conversation and see what happens.  Odds are, you’re going to get a hug, smile, honest discussion and hopefully much, much more for your sincerity and concern.

Give these ideas a whirl and see what happens.  You may discover that your orgasm problems will gradually become a worry of the past, and your partner will really enjoy your physical company.

Flexi Felix Anal Toy

A common question that relates to adult play asks whether or not anal stimulation can lead to orgasm.  We’ve covered all kinds of orgasms in this blog, from what seem to be random orgasms, to Extended Massive Orgasm.  And as regular readers know, different people will experience stimulation in many different ways.  Orgasms can occur because of a variety of stimulations.

But can you achieve an anal orgasm because of anal stimulation.  Our answer?  Sure, why couldn’t you have an orgasm because of anal stimulation?

As we covered in our discussion of analingus, not all anal stimulation is safe, so you have to be careful when you engage in anal play or anal sex.  But most anal stimulation is perfectly safe, provided you take the proper precautions for you and your partner.  Let’s go over a few points to keep things fun.

Anal Sex – Basic Steps for Fun and Safety

First, everyone has to relax.  Your first anal experience should be an easy, comfortable time.  Going straight from never having had anal sex to full blown penetration could turn into a painful lesson in patience.  Taking a few steps one by one is a good plan for your first time.  Relaxing could be as simple as a good massage, lots of foreplay and even a tasty adult beverage before you get started.  Once everyone is “in the groove,” you can proceed to experimenting.

Next, have a good supply of lubricant on hand.  The anus provides no natural lubrication, so you need to use as much lube as it takes to make things comfortable (that amount will vary from one person to the next).  If you are using latex gloves or condoms, make sure that you ONLY use a water-based lubricant.  If you use oil or silicone based lube on latex, you’ll be in for a melting, gooey surprise.

Why would latex gloves be involved?  Easy, you might want to get your partner used to anal stimulation gently.  Using a single finger for gentle penetration allows your partner to get used to the sensation.  Another option is to get an anal beginner’s kit that has graduated anal plugs so that you can take your time and go easy.

Juli Ashton Anal Beginner Kit

One other important idea: Masturbating your partner, or having your partner masturbate as you experiment with these sensations allows your partner to create an association between anal sex and orgasm.  This can lead to even more intense orgasms as the anal stimulation becomes more familiar.

Those are the standard rules for getting started.  Now we’ll break things up a little for women and men.  The approaches can be different for either sex, so we’ll separate them to make it simple.

Anal Sex Ideas for Women

Four Seasons Condoms

Once you’ve taken the time to become accustomed to anal stimulation, you’ll probably want to branch into anal sex. Most people automatically assume that this means hit the hands and knees and go straight to doggie style anal sex.  Often, that’s the worst way to get started.  Women might want to start anal sex in a classic “Cowgirl” position, where the woman is on top and in control of the penetration.

Missionary is also another great option for anal sex.  It limits the depth of penetration, and it’s definitely more intimate than doggie style as you and your partner try a whole new experience.  Again, during anal sex it is perfectly fine to masturbate, and some people swear by Bullets to achieve intense, body shaking orgasms.

You may find that you don’t need a bullet or masturbation.  It is quite possible to have an orgasm with only anal stimulation alone.  There are no rules, other than to be safe and have fun.

And if things get uncomfortable, just stop and come back to it another time!

Anal Sex Ideas for Men

Your new best friend Bob

You’re too macho for back door play, eh?  All that tells us is that you haven’t had a prostate massage induced orgasm.  Have one of those and get back to us on the macho stuff (we suspect you’ll be asking our experts which prostate massager is right for you).  Anal stimulation is great for women, but some men just can’t get enough either.

Some gay and bisexual men enjoy anal play together, but you don’t have to be gay or bisexual to enjoy anal stimulation.  The growing number of men buying strap ons tells us that straight men have caught on to the joys of anal sex too.  Now, here’s where we find a common bickering point.  Is there a difference between an anal orgasm and a prostate orgasm?  Do you really care?  We don’t.

If something is safe and makes you come, it doesn’t really matter what caused it scientifically.  Guys, you differ from women slightly.  The prostate is just inside your anus, right above your perineum (the area between your scrotum and anus).  It pays to be careful around the prostate.  If you’re going to have your partner use fingers for warm up, watch out for fingernails!  And remember that the prostate is sensitive.

Prostate massagers can give you a knee buckling, drooling and mind numbing orgasm like you’ve never experienced.  If your partner learns how to manipulate one to please you, be careful.  She’ll have the power to make you her love slave.  The rules on prostate massage are pretty simple.  If you have prostate issues, don’t do it.  Otherwise, you’ll want gentle, steady strokes on your prostate until you come.  It takes varying times, but if you’re patient, you’ll get the big prize.

Take a break from being the big doggie and give her some fun too

Same as with anal sex, you can masturbate during anal stimulation to get the best of both worlds.  In fact, you can folow the same rules as a woman.  Heck, give her a strap on, lube up, grab a masturbator and get completely freaky.  You can use your imagination to have a ball.  Plus, she might like a break from the mundane and an opportunity to play the role of Big Doggie!

Enjoy it, and if it gets uncomfortable, stop and come back to it later.

So we know anal orgasm is possible.  We know anal sex can be perfectly safe.  We know that many people enjoy it all the time.  All that’s left is for you to get busy enjoying it!