Nope, we’re not talking about the “cool” labor day with cookouts, complete with an unexplainable and absurd celebration of what we all do because we haven’t played the right lottery numbers.  We’re talking about the labor day that leads to larger insurance rates, the eventual purchasing of mushy foods, bad tempered toddlers wrecking furniture, braces, tweens who know everything, teenagers who don’t listen, and, if you’re “REALLY LUCKY,” a bill for an Ivy League education.  For some, this sort of labor day can wait.  For those of you happily involved and looking for both labor days, good luck.

We’re here to help, however, if you’re not quite ready to figure out the best place in an amusement park to change a diaper.  Here’s our contribution via solid latex condoms.  Unsafe sex doesn’t always involve kids, which is another good reason for the happy latex barrier.

So enjoy your long weekend and remember to play it safe.

Save some salad and a place in the jacuzzi for us!  Oh, and you have our encouragement to leave work early today, you deserve it.  But if you want to make that order, even on Labor Day, our Live Customer Support is available every day of the year, 24 hours a day.  To order by telephone, call 800-SEXTOYHELP, 1-800-739-8694 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  We’re here all of the time to make sure you get the Labor Day you want, when you want it.

And for our boss, uh, the lottery thing was a joke; sort of a literary device, ok?  Heh, heh, wink, nudge.  You get it, right?

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog posting for this message from His Majesty, Emperor Weenie:

“Weenies of the world unite.  All of us, all shapes and sizes, were placed here for one reason: to have fun.  I hereby decree that today is the very first Weenie Wednesday.  This is our first step back toward fulfilling our mission of bringing the joy back to orgasms.  You all are hereby encouraged to increase your stamina.  We need to last longer to create more fun.  All weenies will benefit from the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit.  Get started soon, so that we can reclaim our rightful place as centers of pleasure and the single source of all questionable decisions that men make.

That is all.“

In keeping with Emperor Weenie’s decree, Sextoys.com is offering a 25% discount for the entire week on the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit.

Weenies of the world unite

“The key to lasting longer in bed and becoming the lover that every girl dreams about is not a cream, not a pill, and not a potion… It’s PRACTICE.

The Fleshlight STU (Stamina Training Unit) masturbation product is a sex toy for men specifically designed to replicate the incredible sensation of sexual intercourse in order to help you find your rhythm and obtain peak sexual performance. With our patented Real Feel Super Skin masturbation sleeve and a specially designed inner canal texture the STU provides the most intense and pleasurable training experience possible.

Just follow the Sexual Stamina training routines in our exclusive e-booklet available at purchase and you will have all the tools necessary to have total control over your ejaculation. When you masturbate using the Fleshlight STU, not only will you be improving your sexual stamina and techniques, you’ll experience the intense orgasms that can only be achieved by using Fleshlight sex toys for men. “