Apparently chimpanzees use “tools” for sex.  I’m not talking about vibrators or butt plugs here.  I’m talking about objects they use to get laid.  In a New York Times interview with Dr. William C. McGrew, we learn about sex toys for chimps.   

“The male will pluck a leaf, or a set of leaves, and sit so the female can see him. He spreads his legs so the female sees the erection, and he tears the leaf bit by bit down the midvein of the leaf, dropping the pieces as he detaches them. Sometimes he’ll do half a dozen leaves until she notices.”

And then?

“Presumably she sees the erection and puts two and two together, and if she’s interested, she’ll typically approach and present her back side, and then they’ll mate.”

So, some leaf tearing and a little boner-vision is enough to get she-chimps in the sack?  That’s cool.  I wonder if this whole process is the equivalent of nice shoes, wanna fuck?  Or is it more like getting presented with a single rose?  Does this get her all hot and bothered? Perhaps she is saying fine, just stop plucking those damn leaves!

I have officially put too much thought into chimp sex.