For today’s post, I thought I would offer some advice on the best way to explore bringing adult films into a relationship. It is difficult to broach this topic without it sounding as if there is some sort of trickery involved. There is not. What is involved is communication and open-mindedness . Even with these two staple ingredients between a couple, spouses, or boyfriends and girlfriends, it still is not guaranteed to happen and may not even be a good idea, but they are certainly both necessary to even begin.
It is also worth stating the obvious and addressing the pink elephant in the room. More than likely, this is an article aimed at men. While I am sure couples exist where the female is into pornography and the guy isn’t, they are likely the minority. The small minority. Some might even suggest “microscopic” minority.
So let’s say you are a guy, in a healthy relationship, enjoy pornography from time to time, and the idea of watching it with your girlfriend is something that appeals to you. Where do you go from here? The wrong approach is to tell her you rented The Notebook and “accidentally” pop in Don’t Tell My Wife I Assfucked The Babysitter 2. The right approach is dialogue.
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Most of the information over the last few years shows that the number of women that watch or enjoy porn are significantly higher than most might have expected. Earlier this year a report suggested 30% of women admitted to watching porn online. That’s 1/3 that admit to it. Last year Oprah even asked the question, Are More Women OK With Watching Porn? in O Magazine. It’s 2010, not 1950. I am not saying that means your girl watches it or likes it, but it is no longer a dirty secret, or even a secret, that females enjoy adult entertainment.
Part of the reason may be as a result of cheap technologies. Porn is no longer solely comprised of the porndinary ideas of yesteryear; big blond hair, huge fake breasts, waif-y model type physiques. As a result of the internet and cheap video equipment, women are now behind the camera and are dictating and directing to their likes, not solely submitting to the male point of view. People are freer to expose and explore their personal likes whether that be women of average or heavy build, natural body types, or even bisexuality and authentic and romantic encounters instead of the standard soulless mechanical sex. And it is necessary to take all this into consideration.
If you want your girl to be open to the idea of watching porn together, you may need to be open to the idea of compromising and exploring something you both find to be a turn on. It is not realistic to expect her to initially be ok with both watching it and watching only what you like. I am not suggesting you need to be ashamed or not enjoy what you prefer in your own private fantasies, but we are working for a shared experience between you and your partner.
So now that we have a little background and foundation set up, how do you actually go about it? Well let’s assume a few things. (Yes, I know it is dangerous to assume anything, but for argument’s sake…) Let’s assume you haven’t told your girlfriend or wife you don’t watch porn. Because you do. And if you lied to her and said you didn’t, you clearly have bigger problems regarding honesty and communication in your relationship and probably don’t deserve to be with her, let alone try to get her to watch porn with you. So if you are lying you are doomed anyways. So let’s say she knows. Because there’s healthy communication. Which also probably means there’s already healthy conversations about sex.
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I have found that sometimes the best way to bring what might be awkward conversations up is to slip into it. Not to set it up as some big, huge conversation. I have found that saying, “Baby, we need to talk…” puts women on edge and in a defensive posture and you are likely to fail before you even get out of the gate. Start a conversation about turn-ons. Ask her, “Hey, I have always been turned on by the idea of watching porn with you. You think we could find something we both might like and try?” It’s your idea, but you include her in it making her a part of it.
And depending on how receptive they are may dictate whether you face the next question. “What, I don’t turn you on?/ Would you rather be having sex with someone else?” This is where it can be tricky. A healthy relationship can withstand this line of questioning. It is almost juvenile and falls into the misinformation that Hollywood projects on people that once you have found “the one” that all other people exist or cease to be attractive any more. “Of course I want to have sex/make love/fuck you, but I’m sure you still find other people attractive too, and that’s ok. This is just a fantasy I have had and wanted to see your thoughts.” This doesn’t flip it back on her, but it allows her to be exactly what you want her to accept about you. That we are human. If she is still threatened by the idea of the two of you watching porn together, it may be time to abandon the idea for now.
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If she is still open to the idea, you are in the home stretch. But aren’t guaranteed the win just yet. You don’t want to blow your lead in the bottom of the ninth with two outs. One bad pitch right here and it could be game over. To bring it home, we are at the crucial moment of video selection. Spoof and parody porn has recently exploded and there are a ton of titles that aren’t that threatening and may evoke some good memories for her. And since she has already been a champ to this point, you just might want to put the ball in her hand. (Pun sort of intended.) To once again show this is a team effort, why not let her pick a movie? It’s ok to shoot films down that don’t turn you on or even turn you off, but don’t shoot down a movie with three girls and one guy because you want a movie with four girls and no guy. Plus, by having her pick, it will likely get her in the mood quicker and make the experience she enjoys too and it becomes more likely it might happen again.
There is no full-proof way to introduce the idea of you and your girlfriend enjoying a shared experience of watching porn to get you both turned on, but there are ways to increase your chances. That way is honest communication. Females can usually spot and smell sneakiness and manipulation a mile away. So the best policy is some tactful honesty.
I am curious about people’s experience with this. Have you tried this before? Been successful? How did you go about bringing it up? Leave comments below and we will send you a discount to use on SexToys.com.
