Experimentation can ease frustration
One of the most common ideas about sex is that, for guys, the magic moment comes easily. In fact, on the subject of faking orgasms, few would ever think that a man would have to, much less do it. But the facts tell a much different story. Some guys have as much difficulty as women in achieving orgasm.
Your Tango has a great article on men who find it difficult to achieve orgasm. Some of the discussion will surprise you. From the full article at Your Tango:
“That men reach orgasm easily and definitely whereas women work long and hard to get there (if they get there at all) is a myth, according to sex educator Carol Queen, director of San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture.
“Some women can get turned on and come just as quickly as any man; and plenty of men take a long time to get aroused enough to go forward with direct genital contact, need extra sources of mental or physical stimulation to get that turned on, and have difficulty achieving orgasm during partnered sex,” Queen says.”
The article also points out that orgasm and ejaculation are not the same:
“In fact, orgasm and ejaculation are two different things,” she says. “Orgasm is the peak of sensation, centered in the brain, but often felt as genitally-focused, that often comes with a series of pleasurable muscle contractions. It is often accompanied by ejaculation, but some guys ejaculate almost as a reflex, without that erotic peak of feeling, while some men can feel that peak or climax sensation, sometimes more than once, and never ejaculate.”
That’s the bad news. But the good news is that once a man can be honest with himself, drop any feeling of inadequacy and look at the situation as a challenge to his creativity, not a flaw, his sexual repertoire could expand to include all kinds of fun ideas he never considered before. One of the biggest issues for a man in most cultures is that he is burdened with a set of stereotypes that most men can’t match.
The old slaps on the back and winks don’t do much to improve performance, or enjoyment in intimate play time. The article suggests mutual masturbation as a solution for the problem. That’s a good idea. An even better idea is to slow down, take time to learn about the sensations that excite the most arousal and explore those sensations with a partner, or alone. There’s no shame in being a unique person. And accepting that will lead to more pleasure in the long run.
Of course, I’m biased toward experimentation with toys as well. Introducing toys to play are one option to spice up play time, and to add to mutual arousal. Male orgasm may not be a sure bet, but it never hurts to increase the odds. And remember to have fun – after all, sex shouldn’t be a job. It should be an adventure.
